


O y s t e r s

by david_bowies_speedo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bucky is sweet tho, Dark!Steve Rogers - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Multi, Sensitive!James "Bucky" Barnes, Smut, Steve is full of angst and sadness, Unintentional Voyeurism, Unrequited Crush, he's lowkey kinda evil, idk why i wrote this, lowkey stalking, my ofc is basically reader/self insert, obsessive!Steve Rogers, post Endgame, steve is a creep, tony is still dead :(
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:27:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/david_bowies_speedo/pseuds/david_bowies_speedo
Summary: Steve is just trying to get through his day to day, when he meets Dr. Banner's new lab assistant, Maple.He gets more than he can handle when he sees something he shouldn't have.inspired by the song "Oysters" by Mishell Ndegeocello
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/ Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 49
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

O y s t e r s 

The aircraft landed on the tarmac runway with a dull thud, not unfamiliar to Steve at this point. Loud whoops and cheers from the agents around him didn't register- God, he was tired. 

It had been a long, hard, two weeks. 

The HYDRA infiltrations were becoming more and more frequent and the complexity they’d obviously started to add into their plans had made it hard for anyone to get any reliable intel. On top of that, they’d been gone four days longer than they’d prepared for and although the agents laughed and cheered as they left the Stark powered engine, he knew they were exhausted.

While Sam tried to cheer him up as they walked towards the Compound, Steve still felt as if he had led in his boots- he was not looking forward to the mountain of paperwork that he knew awaited him in his office. If he could just get inside, take a hot shower, eat some food and go to bed he’d be content, but he knew Fury and others awaited his responses and explanations. Damn. No one had told him he’d be signing up for all this shit when he decided to be some guinea pig soldier. 

He’d managed to get through the exhuasting meeting with Fury, if just barely. The man seemed to revel in making him recount every. Single. Detail. With a fine tooth comb and explain himself on things that were technically his responsibility and not in the fun way. He was then updated on Bucky’s current whereabouts, though vaguely told. Steve wasn’t too worried about him. His latest mission had him at an undisclosed location somewhere in Northern Europe. His return date was yet to be known- he’d been gone for 4 weeks now. When he’d finally had enough, it seemed, he let him go with the same dismissive streak- though Steve would be blind if he said he hadn't noticed he’d been… a little less impatient since… Since Thanos. And Tony. And everything.  
They’d all been through a lot… 

But there was still work to be done. Steve had tried the route of sulking and… it wasn't for him. There was no point in mourning what couldn't be helped anymore, it had been over a year.

He was just barely able to get through half his email inbox when his phone buzzed. 

Bruce Banner: Hey I heard you guys are back- come see me ASAP: important info!! 

Steve read it in Bruce’s voice and almost had the energy to smile. 

He looked back towards the pile of paperwork- physical and digital upon his desk… He could use a break. It was getting late, anyway…. He could do the rest tomorrow. Steve was sure even if he did try to answer anymore emails he’d probably just send gibberish. 

Bruce was already waving at him through the glass walls and smiling- clearly excited to show him something. Steve internally braced himself for the onslaught of scientific nonsense he’d have to have translated a million times before he could properly understand Bruce. 

“Hey! You’re back!” 

“Hey man, how’s it- 

“Great. Come with me, I have to show you this.” 

Steve followed Bruce further into the lab where for the next twenty minutes he raved on about the new cell detecting device (?) he’d theorized and how it would help them detect HYDRA agents more clearly on infrared scanners that he would have to spend some time on but that he was sure would work.  
And that’s how long it took Steve to notice her- twenty goddamn minutes. Well, to be fair she was sitting quietly as a mouse in the corner, she nearly gave him a heart attack when he finally saw her. 

“Who’s that?” 

He nodded across the room to where she sat on a stool, hunched over a laptop typing quickly and quietly. She looked up at this vaguely, but then her attention went straight back to the laptop. 

Bruce shrugged, 

“Oh that’s Maple, she’s my new assistant- well, kind of. She’s basically typing up all my notes into easier to find documents so that when I want things published, they are already in format. Anyway, as I was saying, this technology will literally redesign the way we scan for…” 

Bruce chattered on, but Steve couldn't help but think she looked so young, too young to be working, well, here. 

“Is she old enough to be working here?” 

He’d interrupted Bruce’s rant in a quick whisper, but Bruce simply shrugged again, 

“Uh, she’s old enough, um… Maple, how old are you?” 

She was once again broken from her trance and glanced up once the question had registered. 

“Nineteen.”  
She’d said it lightly with a smile, and as if she’d already relayed this bit of information to him multiple times. 

“See? Nineteen, anyway, you will be able to…”

Steve didn’t really think about Maple after that first time of seeing her around the compound. In fact, he hardly noticed her presence except for once when he’d left his quarters to get some water in the middle of the night and she’d still been up, typing away at her computer.  
It was dark in the kitchen, save for the small light above the counter that was on the dimmest setting. She seemed tired, he thought and she looked up at him once, smiling softly. Her dark hair was messy and cropped short in a way that reminded him of Audry Hepburn, but more boyish. She had a soft complexion and a button nose that once again screamed youth at him. Her rosebud lips were parted slightly while she seemed utterly concentrated on whatever held her attention on the screen. 

“Still working?” 

She seemed to have to process that he was talking to her, looking quickly around to see if anyone else was there. 

“Uh, not really, just working on something personal. You?” 

Her voice was soft and had a girlish tone to it. 

“Just thirsty.” 

She nodded and he quickly went about retrieving a glass of water, waving to say goodnight only she was completely immersed, just as he had found her. 

*** 

Maple seemed to mostly keep to herself outside of the occasional lunch with some of the other assistants and a few agents. Steve found himself growing more and more accustomed to seeing her around the Compound or in Bruce’s lab if he had to stop by. It took him a while to get over the whole age thing, and he wasn’t really sure why he fixated on it so much at first. She was by far the youngest person on the Compound and Steve surmised the few times he thought about it that he was just concerned she was maybe lonely. She never seemed to show signs of this, then again Steve didn’t know her at all really, so he had no basis for comparison. 

Paperwork, missions, more paperwork and more missions kept Steve busy and his thoughts full of preparations for work that Spring had blossomed and gone with hardly a notice.  
The heat took him by surprise when they got back from their latest mission which was a success on most fronts. They’d gotten the intel they’d needed to proceed with another small mission that thankfully, Steve wouldn’t be needed for. 

His first morning back, Steve took a run. Honestly, he was still tired, but he lived for the silence and exhilaration of the cool morning air. There was something sobering and grounding about simply running and being alive when the rest of the world around him was still at rest.  
It was still just before dawn, and the sun painted the sky a strawberry red. The trail that led around the Compound was worn and still slightly damp from the morning’s fog but if yesterday afternoon was any indication, he knew it would eventually get up past the 90’s and he was not excited by the thought. There was a lot of training for the agents he needed to oversee for the next mission and the idea of working in the heat was miserable.  
Steve’s attention was drawn from these thoughts when he saw someone sitting in the grass. He slowed his pace and as he got closer he saw it was the girl, Maple. She was just sitting there in the wet grass, hunched over. At first he thought she was injured and he felt the familiar surge of adrenaline, but she must’ve heard him because she turned her head. 

Oh. 

She was reading a book. She was fine. Steve came to a stop and walked the small way to where she was sat in the grass, book in hand. 

“Hi, Mr. Rogers.” Her grin was friendly. 

He was only able to muster a tight lipped smile. 

“Morning. I’m used to being the only one out here this early.” After he’d said it, he realized it had probably sounded rude, but she if she was offended she didn’t show it. 

“Yeah, I noticed. I tried following your example but I got tired and decided to sit for a while.” 

“You were running with a book?” 

“Walking.” Her laugh was light and harmless. 

“Oh.” 

It was quiet, and he considered leaving then, but a part of him was still strangely concerned for her. 

“You’re alright out here? Just… reading?” 

She shrugged, and he could see the grass stains forming on her grey sweatpants. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nice, how quiet it is in the morning.” 

Her gaze lingered on the surroundings and he followed in suite, taking in the fresh morning air. It was nice, the quiet. 

“What are you reading?” He gestured to the book, he wasn't sure why he was forcing this interaction to continue. 

“Oh, just some poetry. Rumi.” 

He nodded, familiar with the name but none of the works. 

“I wish I had time to read more.” Why did he say that? It wasn’t untrue but… He’s just still tired, he told himself. 

“If you want, I could lend this to you when I’m done? His poetry isn’t super… heavy or anything.” The last part came out as a sort of laugh. 

Steve shook his head and wiped the small bit of sweat that accumulated on his forehead- the offer made him feel a strange sort of guilt, like he was afraid his immediate response would hurt her. 

“No, no that’s alright. Thank you, though.” 

Maple wasn’t openly offended by this either and just nodded. Steve broke the momentary eye contact and cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“I’ll let you get back to it.” 

Steve didn’t wait for her reply before he was jogging back towards the trail. 

In his office, half an hour later, a weight lifted from his chest when he could see Maple walking up the trail and towards the Compound. 

*** 

“Steve, my man, you have got to try at least one of these burgers. I can’t cook much else but I am damn good at grilling a burger!” 

Steve forced a smile at Sam and let him weigh his plate down with the patty. Steve thanked him and took to dressing it in onions, pickles, relish and ketchup. He held back a sigh at the scene around him- a barbecue. 

Sam insisted on the event, citing that everyone needed a break from the recent overdrive work schedule for the mission. Steve hadn’t had too many objections only that people keep the drinking to a minimum and the noise level low. He hadn’t been planning on actually attending himself, but when Sam guilted him into it Steve knew he wouldn't be able to not show up.  
Even Bruce had managed to escape from the lab and break out a cooler full of different beers and other assortments of chilled alcohol. Steve only took one beer for himself and found a seat across Bruce and some other agents he was familiar with. 

He’d never admit it but these sorts of events had been a sort of hell for him over the past year. All the people that were missing from the scene never left Steve’s mind. Tony’s boisterous laugh or Nat’s quick quips… It was all a little too comfortable and then he would be reminded of their presence- unexcused by him. It was depressing to say the least. Bucky still wasn't back from his mission, and his presence also felt missing from the scene.  
Bruce pulled Steve from his thoughts, and into conversation. Mostly mundane things, and then Steve’s attention once again strayed when he saw Maple sitting by herself in a lawn chair. It was strange to see her in something other than work clothes or sweats. Usually she wore a blazer of some kind with other professional looking slacks or a lab coat. Now she was wearing denim shorts and a loose fitting t shirt that said something he couldn't read from how she was slouched over. She was looking at something on her phone until another assistant came over and sat in the lawn chair opposite of her. Her face lit up and she smiled sweetly at her friend and then laughed at something she said- if he wanted to listen in he could, but Steve was yet again pulled back to Bruce’s voice. 

“... Steve? Steve.” 

“What? Sorry, got distracted.”

“Yeah, I can tell. What’s with you lately, man? You seem pretty distracted, everything goin’ okay?” 

The true concern and hint of sympathy in his friends voice caught Steve off guard- was he okay? When was the last time someone asked him that? 

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just the mission- lots of work to be done.” 

Bruce nodded thoughtfully, 

“There is, but it’ll get done. I think you just need to relax man… I know the past year has been… difficult. But I see you, and you’re working yourself to the bone. Sooner or later you’re gonna snap and no offense but I don't wanna see psycho Steve.”  
Steve couldn't really be surprised- he knew he’d been avoiding certain thoughts and emotions… He just couldn't deal with any of it right now. 

“Look, just for tonight, forget about the mission and seriously, try and relax. Let off a little steam, go yell at one of the agents if you have to but even a super soldier needs some R&R. Doctor’s orders.” 

“Thanks man, I’ll try. I appreciate you lookin out.” 

He meant it and tried to convey a sincere smile at Bruce. 

“Gotta look out for each other.” 

The evening was winding down finally and most agents and other attendees had left or were leaving by that point. Steve was encouraged to grab another beer and he did so less begrudgingly than before, and by the time he came back to the picnic table where they all sat, Maple was there with them. She was laughing at something Sam had said and Steve took his seat once again. 

“How’s your mom doing, Maple?” 

Steve watched the exchange between Bruce and his assistant, 

“Oh she’s good. Finally got a job at the University, so that’s nice.” 

“Oh wow good for her! How’s Mike?” 

Steve watched them talk for awhile and observed Maple. She was a sweet girl, he’d decided. Still, he felt she was too young to be working here but from their conversation he gathered that Bruce had known and worked with her mother and was in fact doing her a favor by having Maple there. She was interested in journalism but she wasn't sure if that was the career field she wanted to go into, still. 

“You got time, you’re young. Don't go in a rush to figure everything out, just let yourself experience all the fun stuff right now.” 

Sam’s advice made her smile and she nodded along, 

“Yeah, I’m actually thinking of studying abroad for a year… Maybe Italy? But, I don't know if it'd be kinda scary being away from home for so long.” 

Steve surprised himself when he piped in, 

“Europe is kind of a dangerous place right now, maybe you should just stick to the states.” 

A small blush ran across her cheeks and while she said nothing to this but nodded, Steve once again felt that strange guilt fill his chest once he’d said the words. Who was he to tell her anything, she was just a young woman figuring it out- she didn’t need his opinion. 

The direction of the conversation turned and Steve watched Maple out of the corner of his eye- maybe she just reminded him too much of himself at that age and it made him a little sad. This job would surely help her out, but would it help her get into journalism school? That personal things she’d been writing- was that for school? What was she writing about? Here? How much did she know about the mission, anyway? Steve stopped his quickly derailing train of thought- Jesus, maybe Bruce was right? He needed to loosen up a bit, why was he acting like he was still on the clock… 

Around 9 Maple excused herself to go to bed. Everyone said goodnight and Steve watched her small frame walk up into the Compound. Steve thought she looked so small walking up to the giant building. She was very short, maybe 5’3 or 5’2. Sam, Bruce, and Steve along with two other agents sat sipping their beers until they all decided to turn in half an hour later. As he was getting up to leave, he noticed Maple had left her cell phone where she had been sitting. 

“Hey, Bruce, I think Maple left her phone?” 

Bruce was packing up his cooler and turned absentmindedly, 

“Oh, yeah, she does that a lot. Do you mind dropping it off at her quarters for me? I still got a ton of work to do tonight.” 

Steve wanted to look for someone else to do it but everyone had already gone inside. Damn. 

“Yeah, of course. Where are her quarters?” 

“Steve, they’re like right across from yours, you didn’t know that?” 

Steve shrugged- he rarely spent anytime in the staff living area so he honestly hadn’t ever noticed. 

“Uh, no, I guess I didn’t.” 

“Okay, well thanks. See you tomorrow- and hey, remember what I said, loosen up a little. Relax.” 

Bruce’s words echoed in his mind as he made his way to the staff quarters, down the elevator and past the kitchen towards the long cement hallway. Sam was just entering his room and he waved to Steve who in turn nodded. 

“Night, Cap.” 

“Night.” 

He came to a stop in front of his own quarters, and looked directly across. Maple’s room. He debated on just leaving the phone outside her door, but he knew anyone could step on it accidentally or she would just miss it altogether. He sighed and ran a hand through his coarse hair- it was getting too long again he would need a haircut soon, probably a beard trim as well.  
He approached the door, and felt hesitation as he held a hand up to knock- he stopped. All the doors on this floor had little tinted windows, seeing as these weren’t originally meant to be sleeping quarters but offices. Steve had his blacked out and mostly everyone else did, too. Apparently, Maple did not. He could see she had some sheer pink fabric covering the window but it did little to hide that he could see directly into her room… Her furniture was slightly different from how he had his, but her bed was still in the same place- her bed. He could see her lithe figure lying on it. At first, he thought she was asleep- the slow rise and fall of her chest except for the few shuddering breaths she took.

The covers on her bed had been pushed down to the edge, and Steve observed she had nothing else except a small nightgown that barely covered her- 

Hand. Her hand was… down. It was down there. Moving. She had her hand stuffed into her… pink panties. 

Every muscle in Steve’s body went rigid. He could only watch on in horror filled fascination at the sight of Maple touching herself. She didn’t move much else besides her hand, her little right foot would twitch and he could see a long sigh escape her lips- her nightgown slid off her left shoulder and he could see the top of her breast, the peaking of a pink nipple- Hard. His cock twitched in his pants and the smallest breath left his lips at this. Every part of his responsible self was yelling- telling him he needed to leave NOW- but he couldn't.  
In the dim light of her room her hand quickened it’s action against herself and after a moment she stopped- Steve felt every bit of oxygen leave his body- she’d seen him (?). No, she took her hand from her panties and used both to shimmy them off completely, where he could see a glisten on her right fingers, the damp spot on the cotton material gone with them on the floor. She settled back into her original position and continued- Steve could see her pink soft looking pussy lips glistening with her own wetness- if he had been hard before he was now more stiff than he’d been in his whole life.  
The girl rubbed lightly at her clit and her breathing seemed to quicken- her left hand coming up to tweak at her nipple. Steve felt his mouth salivate against his own will, still wondering what the Fuck he was doing there. He needed to leave. He should leave. What was he doing? He couldn't stop watching. Not if his life depended on it, especially when her fingers seemed to add more pressure than before, her pussy puffing out and Steve could see a little trail of her wetness leaking out and sliding down the inside of her thighs… God he needed to leave. He couldn't. She froze suddenly, twitched and convulsed lightly under the duress of her own fingers still tapping at her clit as she came- her expression troubled almost. He could hear a small breathy gasp leave her lips. Eventually she had to draw her fingers away as the pressure seemed to become too sensitive, and she stopped. Her small chest rose and fell and he couldn't even pretend to look away when she stretched and rolled onto her belly, revealing her small, yet plump bottom. For a moment, she simply lay there before rolling over once more and then sitting up- Steve backed away from the small window silently. He immediately crossed the distance to his own quarters and entered swiftly.  
Steve didn't waste time dropping his pants and sitting on the edge of his own bed rubbing out the almost painfully hard erection before he came faster than he had since the time he lost his virginity, picturing only Maple and the sight she had bestowed upon him. 

The shower he took afterwards didn’t do much to wash away the feelings of remorse and disgust with himself. Still, he couldn't bring himself to admit if he had the chance he’d do it all over again. 

*** 

The next morning as he woke, Steve felt oddly… Relaxed? He couldn't tell, he hadn't felt relaxed in what he realized had been a very long time. It wasn't until he was getting ready to leave his quarters that he saw he still had Maple’s phone on his nightstand. Dammit… Shit.  
He’d just give it to Bruce… yeah, he’d just drop it off at the lab and Bruce would give it to her. He could NOT face her after… last night. Even as relaxed as he’d felt he still had a deep sense of shame and guilt. He’d literally spied on her while she… did that. He felt like a creep… And he’d jerked off to her! God! What was wrong with him? 

He’d simply have to avoid her at all costs. 

Steve opened the door and barely got it closed when he saw Maple’s door was cracked open slightly… That was odd. He told himself to just keep moving, to forget it and go drop off her phone but… Why was her door open? He creeped forward slowly, and looked inside the room. Her bed was hardly made and there were a few items of clothes strewn about. The bathroom door was open and the light was off… She didn’t appear to be inside- 

“Fuck.” 

It hit him- the scent of her. With his superior sense of smell, it was hard for Steve to miss things like body odor and oh boy, was Maple’s everywhere. He had barely stepped foot through the door when he was hit with the scent of her undeniably potent musk… it was sweet and rather intoxicating- he knew that it was from last night. Steve had been with his fair share of women (not recently, albeit) and he knew the smell of arousal- this was it. Steve hated that he was already hard and decided he should leave now before he did something stupid like-  
There they were. The pink cotton panties from last night- her pink cotton panties. They were sitting by the edge of her bed and he had an unreasonably strong urge to pick them up. He grunted and ignored the thought while he went to set her phone on her nightstand, but even as he carefully stepped around them he couldn't ignore the strong scent… Damn. Again, it was an automatic movement, one that he himself didn’t really understand… But then he was doing it. He picked up the small pair and before could resist, he held them to his nose and took a long inhale- he knew he was being completely disgusting and perverted but it was really like he couldn't help himself- GOD. They smelled too good… His pants became a little tighter at this. He unfolded the panties and could feel the dampness inside… How were they still wet? He was simultaneously amazed and suddenly hungry for… Her. Maple.  
If the self loathing didn’t stop him from putting the pair in his mouth the sound of someone walking down the hall sure did. Before he could stop and think about what he was doing, he stuffed the pair quickly in his pocket and turned just in time to see Maple walking into the room- she was clearly shocked at his presence and jumped a little. 

“Mr Rogers! You scared me!” 

She held a hand to her chest and Steve was embarrassed, turned on and equally shocked to see the object of his hunger standing there in front of him- but of course, this was her room! He was the one being… He suddenly felt ever more the peeping Tom, the underwear in his pocket felt bulging. Could she see them? Could he risk checking? 

“Maple, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. I just uh, I saw you left your phone last night and I was looking to return it. Your door was open so I just let myself in, I thought you might be here. I tried knocking last night, but I think you were already asleep.” The half lie came too easily and Steve was disgusted with himself once more.

Maple nodded slowly and shifted where she stood, clearly uncomfortable. 

“Oh, um, thank you I appreciate it. Sorry I wasn’t up last night.” A blush not unlike the one he’d seen from afar (unbeknownst to her) spread across her cheeks. Even though he stood with his hands in front of his groin he was worried his problem was obvious to her. He wondered if she was blushing because of last night, if she was worried he’d seen her (a ridiculous and unrealistic thought) and a little voice in the back of his mind chuckled darkly at the thought. 

“No worries, I just left it there on your nightstand.” Her eyes quickly darted towards it and she thanked him again. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around.” 

That same small voice in the back of his mind laughed again, and suggested how easy it would be to tell her he wasn't leaving, to throw her on the bed and- 

“Yeah, I’ll see you around. Bye, Maple.” 

As he exited her room, the scent was gone and he most definitely missed it. He pushed the dark thoughts away (or tried to) and thought of the day ahead, trying to get her off his mind.

*** 

Even as training agents, more paperwork and time spent devoted to perfecting the coming mission was distracting, Steve couldn't deny the small moments throughout the next few days that were silent. His thoughts almost always led back to her without fail. He felt helpless to his sudden cravings and only when he was sure he was alone, he would take out the pink cloth from his pocket and hold them to his face. It was like a drug- a disgusting, terribly addictive and undeniably wrong drug. The worst part was they only served to give Steve the hardest erections of his life and leave him wanting more.  
At night he would stand over the toilet and hold them in his mouth while one hand was used to balance on the wall against the weight of himself, the other pumping out his pleasures. The other terrible part was that the scent had started to wear off from the panties. Each time he had to inhale deeper and deeper like he was oxygen dependent only it wasn't air he was needing. 

Luckily, he hadn’t actually seen Maple that much, so he was able to avoid any awkward scenarios. And the few times he had seen her he was able to leave the room pretty quickly. Being around her made him feel immensely guilty and turned on. Part of him argued that he just hadn't gotten ‘laid’ (as Sam would say) in some time and he just needed to get it out of his system- he wasn't fixated on her… Except he was.  
For the most part he was able to hold the barrier between work and his recent proclivity, but every now and then he would slip up and find himself reaching into his pocket to squeeze the soft cloth. He knew he needed to stop this and focus- the impending mission was not something he could just screw up on and this was becoming more of an issue than he’d initially thought. 

So, Steve tried to do the sensible thing and get himself ‘laid’. It was easy enough to find an agent more than willing to sleep with (who wasn't half his age), and it went fine. She was satisfied and so was he… Even though she didn’t have the same scent as Maple he was able to get off… until he was returning to his quarters and he saw her. It was late and she was walking out of her quarters. Her hair was messy and Steve couldn't help but think she looked kind of adorable. She had clearly been asleep, she wore a tank top and teasingly short sleep bottoms- Steve could barely look away. She just smiled at him lightly, and he was speaking before he himself realized it. 

“What are you doing up so late?” 

They were stopped a few feet away and she yawned before speaking, 

“Oh, just, just getting some water. Thirsty.” 

Steve regretted it the moment he did it, but his eyes lingered on her chest a moment too long- little peaks had formed under her thin shirt letting him know she was in fact braless. She saw him do it, and he knew she saw him do it. All signs of sleep had left her posture and expression then as she carefully raised her arms and crossed them. Steve swallowed thickly, 

“R-right. Well, have a nice night.” 

“You too.” 

She passed him then and it was as if she could feel his gaze on her poorly covered ass, as she hurried down the hall just a little quicker than normal. 

Steve warily let himself back into his quarters and groaned heavily while whispering to himself, 

“Jesus Christ Rogers, what did you get yourself into…” 

*** 

Maple was completely confused by Steve Rogers. At first, she was sure that her mere presence just pissed him off. He never paid her attention if they were in the same room and when he did he was looking at her with an expression full of distrust and body language that clearly said ‘Don't talk to me’. At least, at first he had.  
Something small had changed and she was relieved when it seemed he didn't clearly despise her any longer, but sort of tolerated her. She could live with that, it wasn't like she needed him to like her or anything. She got it, he was a guy who’d seen a lot of shit, she wasn’t asking for him to be all buddy buddy with her. 

It seemed for a while like things had gone to a state of normalcy, and she stopped even noticing when he walked into a room like she used to. He wasn't even there at the Compound for the most part so it wasn't like her chances of having to converse with him were ever that high anyway.

And then they’d had that weird conversation that one morning. He’d looked at her like it was painful- like just conversing with her was physically difficult for him which she found hard to believe since, obviously, it was him. And she’d offered her poetry to him because his statement about not having time to read asked it- just offer the book, be polite. She really hadn't meant anything by it and when he said ‘no thank you’ it was like he was so afraid of hurting her feelings…. She honestly couldn't have cared less- she’d gotten used to working around and for all the superheroes it really didn't faze her that much, but she supposed she couldn't fault him for being worried she might be disappointed.  
The barbeque had been a little weird when he basically told her to not go to europe and pursue a dream, but she tried not to take it personally and later figured he knew since he was the one going over there all the time, just adding his clearly experienced opinion.

Then he was just there. In her room. Standing around like he did something… Maple had always been good at feeling people out, sort sensing what emotions lurked beneath the surface and super soldier or no, she could tell when something was up. He had been looking at her like he was going to… she wasn't sure but if it was what her mind had originally jumped to she knew she was going crazy or SOMETHING because it was Steve Rogers- Captain America not Jimmy from eighth grade.  
Even though his voice said innocence, that he had really just been there to drop off her phone, she deeply felt something was just not right about the situation. He had been suspicious and Maple wasn't one to simply brush things off like that. On the one hand, it was Captain America. He was a gentleman and a stand up citizen kinda guy… Maple still couldn't shake it though, that still didn't excuse the weird behavior. 

He’d pretty much been avoiding her since then- Maple wasn’t stupid, she knew something was up. First he loathed her existence, then he tolerated it, and now he apparently couldn't stand the sight of her. And she knew the difference. It really didn't even bother her that much except for when he would enter the room, make eye contact and then run like she’d grown a second head. It was actually starting to get on her nerves- she racked her brain for what she could’ve done to upset or offend him to the extent that simply being around her was intolerable.  
Eventually she got to the point of just ignoring him when he walked in a room because it had gotten a little tedious. After a while, she wondered if she had made the whole thing up in her head and then-  
And then the hallway incident. 

She had just woken up so thirsty. She would've just got some water from her sink but she didn't have a cup in her room. So, she put on the nearest bottoms- it was 1 in the morning, so she wasn't so worried about anyone seeing her- and headed out towards the kitchen. Then he was just there again, and instead of running he asked her what she was doing up so late- her first instinct had been to say she could have asked him the same question but vied for simply explaining she just needed some water. She was way too tired to go that route anyway. But he had stared at her for a long time, too long and then she saw his eyes travel down her body in a not so innocent way and then she was very awake. Awake and aware of her nipples hard under her tank top and how neither had said anything for what felt like an awkward amount of time. He had totally just checked her out… what the fuck?  
They said a polite goodnight and then she was walking down the hall quickly, all too aware of his eyes on her. She had the urge to pull down her shorts- she had felt them rise up but simply couldn't and the hallway felt so much longer than ever before. 

And that was all the proof she’d needed.  
Captain America was attracted to her…

She unsuccessfully tried thinking of any other way he could have been looking at her but that proved moot after a short while- he had been looking at her like that. 

Maple quickly realized that it wasn't a big deal- so what, the guy had a crush? Didn’t mean he would act on anything- it did explain all the weird behavior though. She decided that she’d ease up on him, maybe smile a bit more. Poor guy had been in ice for 70 years and then BAM the love of his life wasn't an option anymore so of course he would get infatuations now and then. It did surprise her seeing as it was… well him and he could have any guy, girl or person he wanted. Maple wasn’t blind she knew how attractive he was. But then maybe that was the 1940’s gentleman in him- maybe he didn’t find it appropriate to ‘sleep around’. Did he sleep around? She somehow highly doubted it and wondered what specifically about herself he had found attractive. 

She wasn't too bothered or surprised when Steve started to infiltrate her more private thoughts during ‘alone time’. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought him attractive before, he’d just never crept into her mind in that way until she realized.  
With this in mind, it became a little harder not to stare when he was around. The strange rollercoaster of an unformed relationship was giving her whiplash. She couldn't tell if she preferred his lingering eyes or felt uncomfortable by them, but before she knew it, every time she ended up sweaty under the covers and filled with pleasure he was the only one on her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: slight somnophilia/ steve being a creep and mentions/implied non-con. smut.

Steve disliked porn. 

Tony had joked about it in passing many times and Steve was surprised that such a thing existed at first- people willingly filming themselves during such intimate moments? Sounded too good to be true and also highly unrealistic. He was correct on both accounts. 

The first time he’d searched the internet, he was shocked at just how many websites there were to choose from, so he simply clicked on the first one that popped up. The black back screen and orange logo definitely defied all other websites he’d ever looked at. Immediately he was bombarded with video after video of extremely foreign and degrading looking images. Women being taken from behind, while men seemed to ram into them with no regard for their partner’s pleasures. Or worse were the ones of the men shoving their half hard dicks down a girls mouth who clearly didn’t want it- the gagging and eye watering made him extremely concerned for the wellbeing of these (mostly) young girls. He tried browsing for a while (why were there so many different categories? What the hell were the strange looking cartoon girls with crazily disproportionate bodies?) but nothing caught his eye. The women weren’t convincing, none of them seemed to want to do what they were doing or said (the strange ads for ‘Milfs In Your Area!’ did little to relax him)… He exited the website more confused than aroused… This was what guys got off to these days? This was what Sam had joked and even raved about when Steve told him he’d never seen that stuff before?  
Steve stuck to his own imagination from then on, no more surfing the web. 

That had been well over two years ago- there hadn’t been time for Steve to worry about such trivial nonsense. 

Maybe that’s what his problem was… He hadn't had time to relax in a long time, so now his body was simply rutting out it’s frustrations. That was all. 

The dark voice takes over during his relaxing time and tends to whisper things that Steve had never suspected about himself. He wasn’t a seductive kind of guy- his subconscious said otherwise. 

She would be shy and a little unsure as he led her into the room, but he would know she wanted it. He would be able to smell her- he would know this is what she wanted. He would be sweet on her at first- kissing her hand in a gentlemanly way, asking if she was alright. Did she want this as much as he did?.... That’s alright, you don't need to answer that, baby. Is it alright if I call you that? You like that, do you? That’s good, that’s good… Don’t worry, baby, I’ll go slow… We don't have to do anything you don't want to. That’s right, just sit on the bed, that’s good. You wanna kiss me? Well, I want to kiss you, too…. Your lips are so soft. And they would be, he thought, she was soft all over. They would kiss gently for a time- her straddling his waist and grinding against him lightly- just enough to keep that scent of hers growing stronger by the minute. And then she would be gasping- breathy and short. Her cheeks would tint and he would run a hand across the side of her face. Soft. Slow. He’d trail a hand up the back of her shirt- the loose kinds he’s seen her wear late at night and he would feel she wasn't wearing a bra underneath… You don't have to be embarrassed, baby. I understand. It just feels better that way, doesn't it? And you wanna feel good, don't you? You deserve to feel good. I can make you feel good- would you like that, baby? You don't know… Can I convince you? He’d go slow at first, just grinding against her lightly while they kiss some more, until he can’t help himself- he needs to taste her. He’d roll her over and she’d let him take off her shirt- her breasts would look full and lovely and he’d roll them between his hands- she’d be shy, but he’d reassure her she was perfect- yes, Darling, don't worry, you’re beautiful. Can I kiss them? Is that alright? It’s alright, I’ll be slow, I’ll be gentle… He’d kiss them softly, maybe licking slightly until she would gasp and he’d finally take one of her nipples in his mouth and suck and she’d gasp and beg him… What do you want, baby? You don't know? I’ll show you… I know what you want baby. He’d finally go to take off her disgustingly revealing shorts- You know back in my time, we didn’t just let our girls walk around like this, showing everything off- No, you’re not a bad girl, you just don't know, do you? You don't realize it, but you have a woman's body- Yes, you do baby. It’s beautiful, but you shouldn’t tempt me like this- you realize how suggestive you look? You don't…. Well, you showing everything off like this, it’s hard for me to focus. You’re all I can think about… What’s under these little shorts, I wonder… He’d slide them off and she’d be wearing the pretty pink panties, they’d be damp and he’d finally smell her up close. She’d be potent and his mouth waters at the sight. He’d kiss there, too… She’d be bucking up into his lips, not knowing why it felt so good, but that it just did. You’ve never done this before with someone? That’s okay. I know you like to touch yourself- I know. I’ve seen you… You like the teasing, don't you? You want to be taken right towards the end and have it pulled away, huh? Good girls like you, you know when to submit. You know when to let someone else take over, don't you baby? That’s right… You like having someone else make you feel good. I promise I will. After a few more kisses, he’d taken them off completely and there she’d be… Soft and wet and her little pussy lips would puff out. They’d be a pinkish tint from her arousal, she couldn't help it. And she shouldn’t have to… That’s right, just let me take care of you. Can I kiss you down here? You’d like that? I know you would… He’d part her lips and they’d be like velvet… Inside, her little clit would be swollen and needy for his touch. His mouth… He’d devour her slowly, and god, she’d taste like nothing he’d tasted before. Hot sliding down his throat, she’d be dripping into his mouth. She’d be so wound up she’d come before she had time to process what exactly his mouth was doing to her- but he wouldn't stop, no, he’d keep going. Even after she’d beg and beg for him to stop, that it was too much, he’d keep going and make her come once more. She’d be so out of it, so delirious under the spell of her own pleasures she wouldn’t have time to see that he was already getting ready to fuck her. I know this is what you want, baby. I know you want this cock. You need it, don't you? Don't worry, I’ll make it good for you… You don't think it’ll fit? I’ll make it fit, I promise baby. He’d tease her a little and she’d jolt from the pleasure. He’d just insert the tip, and she’d already be so wet and clenching around him. Don't do that, baby. You’re gonna make me come… I know you can't help it, it’s okay... I just wanna fuck you good for a while. Wanna feel that tight pussy around my cock. He’d abandon all thoughts of going slow and slip inside- she might groan or even cry at the pressure, it might hurt. But Jesus, she’d be tight and so fucking wet around him. She’d shudder, her little mewls tightening even more and God… Don't cry, baby. It’ll feel good real soon baby, I’ll make you come again… You want that? You’d like that, I know you would. His pace would pick up and her little nipples would stiffen and he wouldn't be able to hold back for long but neither could she and he’d pinch one of those little nipples… And reach down, rub her clit until she was coming again and begging him and thanking him and coming on his cock so hard that he- 

“Fuck!” 

Steve shudders and twitches, his come spilling over his hand and down the drain. The hot water coursing down his back had gotten less so, now a lukewarm. He washes off his hands with soap and then turns off the shower head. He steps out of the shower and just barely catches his reflection in the mirror- God. He can hardly recognize his own face. His eyes are dark and he looks wildly menacing… What’s wrong with him? 

*** 

It was a tuesday morning when Maple decided she was going to try and talk with Steve. She had entered the kitchen and he had been sitting at the counter- an unusual sight. She knew last night had been the send off of the most recent overseas mission and everyone was on edge for how it would go. For now they were mostly in the dark.  
He looked exhausted and when he became aware of her presence he straightened up in his chair and seemed to try and down his coffee with all the vigor of a man dying of thirst. He wanted to leave… Not surprised but disappointed, Maple felt for the man. Why was he torturing himself over this? Why didn't he just ask her out to dinner or something? Was it really just because of the age difference? Did he care that much about what other people thought? Or was she wrong and he really just didn't like her at all, annoyed by her presence? She knew she couldn't just ask him if he was attracted to her so she took the latter as a conversation starter.  
He was bringing his cup over to the sink to wash it and Maple decided to confront all of this nonsense once and for all. It was really starting to get ridiculous. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” 

He was clearly caught off guard by her voice and hardly looked at her while he dried his hands. 

“Of course.” The intent behind his words did not match their actual meaning. 

“Um… Did I do something to like piss you off or something?” 

He glances at her, concern and another undetectable emotion behind his eyes. Steve seems to contemplate what she’s said and a growing panic sets itself in motion- he had to decide whether or not she pissed him off! 

He finally looks at her,  
“No, I don't know why you would think that.” 

His expression and tone are flat and Maple feels trapped for a moment- god, did she sound stupid? 

“O-okay, well, it just feels like everytime I’m in the same room as you, you can't stand it or something and leave and you never talk to me or… I don't know…” Her words felt powerless here. All of her evidence had been body language- a hardly reliable source. 

He just looks at her for a moment, an unsureness on his face, in the way he stands. In a moment, it all leaves and he seems to straighten like a steel wall. All vulnerability gone and replaced is that hard glance. She remembers every photo she’s ever seen of him smiling suddenly and can't match this man to those pictures. 

“Look, Maple, you’re a sweet kid… But don't flatter yourself- if I ever leave a room or don't pay you attention like you say, I can promise it has nothing to do with you. I’m a busy person, I don't have time for pleasantries. If you’re gonna work in a place like this you need to recognize those things and learn not to take things so personally.” 

Steve looks away from her immediately after his speech and leaves the kitchen without another word. Maple is surprised to realize her throat is tight- she’s crying. 

She avoids him completely after that. So she had been wrong… He really just didn't care or ever notice her like she thought. She had felt mortified before, but this was on a whole other level- Captain America schooling you because you thought he had a crush on you or something? She was annoyed at herself… She had been so sure! Maybe she really wasn't as great at reading people as she once thought… Clearly not with him. 

When he entered the lab the next day, Maple plugged in her earphones while keeping her head down. She was not about to make a fool of herself around him again and suddenly couldn't wait for the next three months to be over- that’s when she would be done working for Dr. Banner and would go back home… Jeez, she felt like such an idiot.  
The one time she looked up he happened to be looking straight at her- the exact same way he’d looked at her in the kitchen. Cold, unfeeling. She couldn't have walked faster out of the lab if she’d tried. 

His words replayed in her head like a tormenting broken record: ‘...you’re a sweet kid… don't flatter yourself… I can promise it has nothing to do with you…’ She cringed hard at these memories and didn't know where she was even going until she realized she was walking down the front steps of the Compound headed towards the trail. She passed Sam, 

“Hey where you goin’?” 

“J-just for a walk…” 

She continued to mentally sift through the memories while the anxious pit in her stomach seemed to only expand. Every little interaction with him, every moment was tainted. He really hadn’t ever cared and she made some weird thing out of it just because he kind of checked her out that one time… Had he even done that in the first place or was her memory playing tricks on her? What was with her?  
Maple eventually was able to calm her thoughts- she could feel herself spiraling and needed to stop. It was just one embarrassing moment. No big deal. She’d get over this- she was better than this. So what- she’d kind of made something out of nothing. In a few years she would look back on all of this as a lesson or maybe even something funny, and for now she would just get through it day by day.  
She would be okay. 

This would pass. 

After she managed to calm down a bit, she slowed her walking and turned onto the grassy field. She sat down and rested against her elbows, feeling the warmth of the summer sun- Yes, it was all very embarrassing but she would recover. She’d just simply have to keep avoiding him. It would be okay. Hopefully he would forget the incident even happened…. Three more months. He’d probably be gone on a lot of missions between now and then so it’s not like she’d see him a ton, right? Right. She laid back fully on the grass and laughed to herself- it was all pretty funny, even now.  
Stupid Captain America. Stupid job. Stupid feelings… God. Dr. Banner was probably wondering where she was by now and she laughed at that, too. 

Sorry Dr. Banner. Steve Rogers just made me cry the other day but it's all good I was just being weird and stupid… Don't worry, I’ll get over myself soon… 

A shadow loomed over her and she peeked her eyes open to find Him standing there. 

Shit. 

She was startled and took back to her position of her elbows supporting her, staring up at him. He was breathing heavily, like he’d just ran. She figured he must have but that still didn't explain how she hadn't heard him- oh right, Super Soldier. His eyes were softer than she’d ever seen them, and he looked at her with such… pity? She couldn't tell, it caught her off guard more so than the fact he was just standing there.  
Was he here to reprimand her for leaving the lab like that earlier? 

“Hey-” 

“Don't. Just… Don't.” 

He seemed to cringe at the sound of her voice. And he stood with his hands on his hips, looking at her hard until he finally dropped his gaze and shuffled on his feet for a second. 

She realized this was the second time they’d met like this. Her sitting on the grass while he loomed over her, emotions and expressions practically unreadable. She waited for a few more seconds for him to say something before she decided to stand up, wiping the grass from the back of her legs. He considered her until he finally spoke, 

“I’m… sorry. For yesterday. I… You…” His voice trailed off and he looked everywhere but her. She was very aware of their secluded surroundings- the Compound was in sight but just barely over the treeline which separated the trail from the main property. She wondered if she was supposed to say something…. If she was, she didn't know what. He was sorry? She was beyond confused at this point- so confused she couldn't even be mad or upset. 

“I… Fuck.” 

If the curse word slipping from his mouth didn't surprise her, him stepping forward and kissing her sure as hell did. She had her hands on his broad chest while he grabbed her waist hard- so hard it almost hurt. He was kissing her. And kissing her. And his beard was scratchy and soft all at once and his lips were softer than she ever thought a man’s lips could be. And suddenly slipping his tongue into her mouth and she liked it and after she’d gotten over the shock of it all, she was kissing him too. Her neck was craned at an almost uncomfortable position between their height difference and how close he was pressing her to him. And then he was pulling away and stepping back like she’d burned him or something. 

And then he was walking away. 

Just like before. 

Maple was dizzy. 

*** 

Shock painted her face. He could see the tears forming in the corners of her pretty brown eyes while the rest of her stood stock still- it had taken a lot in him to not crack. To not break and apologize, tell her how sorry he was. Kiss her cheek or hold her hand and tell it was all a lie- that he wasn't mad at her at all. That he was crazy and crazy about her and that he was too fucking obsessive to do anything about it. 

He could handle rejection, he thought as he walked out of the kitchen. He could deal with the idea that she didn't want him- it’d make it easier to walk away and pretend that he’d never felt anything anyway.  
It was the possibility that she might want him back that scared him- he was afraid of taking her, and using her beyond all repair. He would break her and he wanted to break her. And if she’d be willing then there’d be no more excuses. No more reasons not to simply do what he wanted. And she was what he wanted. 

Bruce had texted him later that day to come meet him in the Lab, and he figured the least he could do for Maple was avoid that place like the plague. He tried not to think of the words he’d said to her- so cold and untrue and hurtful, but it was hard. Steve didn’t like just hurting people like that. Least of all her, she was so young and sweet… She didn't deserve that. But the alternative was twice as dangerous.  
She’d been so obviously ignoring him and he was ashamed to say it was harder for him to do the same. Every minute was slow and torturous and all he wanted to do was apologize. He caught her staring for a fraction of a second and they’d met eyes and then she was walking so quickly out of the lab it startled him. Bruce didn't seem to notice or care and when their conversation seemed to finally end, Steve was wandering aimlessly for her. He knew he should just drop it- just leave it alone… Why was he still looking for her? He’d just apologize, tell her he was having an off morning and then leave and it would be FINE and he would just Fucking Leave It Alone after that… 

“Friday, give me the location of Maple Grenwalt.” 

“Maple left for a walk five minutes ago.” 

He found her lying on the grass, in almost the same spot as the last time he’d seen her out here. That sight alone had been… difficult to walk towards. 

She’d felt… simply divine against him, her lips, her skin, her small body… GOD. It was sinful, and he could taste her sweetness and it didn't help anything. He was so close to just doing right there- everything, just pushing her over (it would be easy, she was so light) and having his way with her right there in the middle of the goddamn grass for anyone to fucking see… No.

He pulled away too quickly and had to walk away before he did something equally stupid. 

When he got back to the Compound he realized how confused the poor girl must of been… 

Steve sighed and cursed again… 

Really, what had he gotten himself into. 

*** 

“You shouldn’t be here.” 

“I don't care. Shut up.” 

They seemed equally shocked that she’d told him to shut up, but that didn't stop her from shoving past him and into his own room. She knew this was stupid- so stupid… But the questions that had bloomed from the unexpected kiss didn't leave her brain and Maple felt she deserved answers. 

“I- I have some stuff I need to say to you.” 

She felt so insecure then. So wrong and strange standing in his room like this- it was only illuminated by a soft bedside lamp. The shadows of the room were inviting and dark in a way that made her feel strange for being there. Too young, too inexperienced and maybe too stupid. 

Steve’s expression was one of confusion and latent understanding. 

“Okay…” 

Maple crossed her arms- it was much cooler here than her own room- her eyes flicked to the small thermostat on the wall and she could just barely read it was 59 degrees… she shivered. 

“I don't… I don't get it. I don't get you. You act all pissed off at me for just existing or whatever and then you go out and kiss me and then walk away like my feelings about any of it don’t even matter.” She managed to say the words in a soft way, like trying to get him to understand why she felt the way she did. She had half planned this out, but didn't even think he’d open the door to her. It was almost midnight, so she didn't even expect him to be awake in the first place and she only found herself outside his door when her own rest didn't seem to come. It was more of a mental relief- to just prove to herself she would do something about all of it, when she knew she had been hoping he was asleep. 

“I'm just kind of… hurt by it. If I’m being honest. And, look, if you just want to hook up or something, then, fine, but just… I don't know, tell me.” 

Steve himself seemed calm, but she knew better. Somehow she could just tell that beneath that cool exterior he was brimming with some emotion- he was trying hard to keep it in check even if he said otherwise. 

“I'm sorry for earlier. That was rude and I’m sure you know I'm not that kind of man-” 

“Uh, not really. I don't really know what kind of man you are.” 

Steve seemed annoyed by her interruption and Maple had to remind herself not to push it. She gave him an embarrassed if not apologetic look and he continued. 

“I never meant to… make you uncomfortable, and for that I’m sorry. How about we just… forget it all. Just pretend it never happened, and I won't bother you anymore. I promise.” 

Maple shrugged and felt frustrated. His tone was flat, unemotional and still, she could tell he didn't really mean any of the words he said. He was standing so far away from her, like he was ready for her to leave. Part of her wanted to, and maybe she should, but she didn't believe him. If anything, this would just be another strange interaction on her growing list and it would just eat at her… No. This was ending now. This was SO stupid and weird and she needed for it to just end. 

“Seriously, what’s your deal? Let’s just fuck and get it over with. You’re clearly into me, so let’s just do it. This is ridiculous.” 

That seemed to at least put a crack in his emotional shield, if only for a second. His eyes widened and then hardened, his jaw seemed to stiffen as the rest of him did. He crossed his arms and Maple felt his defense go up again. 

“Maple, you… You don't know what you’re saying.” He frowned and looked down, away. 

She huffed again and felt the last bit of patience evaporate from her being. 

“Oh my god, Steve, I know you probably think I’m like a child or whatever but I’m not! Can we please stop this weird angst bullshit? Look, I think you’re like, nice and good looking, and if the age thing weirds you out then whatever, and if you aren't interested in me like that then fine but please just do something if you're going to.” 

Steve met her eyes again and though hesitant, he spoke, 

“You don't… It doesn’t make you uncomfortable?” 

“What?” 

“The fact that I’m… well, much, much older than you?” 

She shrugged, 

“I don't care, Steve. Look, either, for real, you stop acting all weird around me for good and we can at least be friends so I know at some point we can laugh all of this off, or we fu-... Hook up. Okay? Can we do at least one of those things so I know where we stand?” 

His expression had slowly turned to one of want, desire, and then fear. Resignation and a shaking of his head. Any armor he’d had up before was gone now, and for that she felt relief. 

“I’m sorry, Maple, I can't… I won't do that to you.” 

The urge to roll her eyes again was strong but she managed to withhold and nod. If that’s what he wants, she thought, exhausted. 

“Okay, then, friends?” She held out her hand- a truce. She was a little disappointed but also relieved, if she was being honest. Sometimes, fantasies were better kept that way- in her head. She didn't need to be sneaking around with an older guy anyway- especially Him of all older guys. 

He took her hand and she could tell he was giving her the lightest of grips, like he was afraid of hurting her. He let go first.

“Okay. Sorry for barging in here, by the way.” 

Steve smiled slightly- one of the only times she’d seen him do that. 

“I understand, it’s alright.” 

They said a quick goodnight, and she exited his room. The warm air of the rest of the Compound compared to his own icy cave washed over her and finally, she really did feel she could sleep. 

*** 

Steve cursed as he watched her retreat back into her room. His head hurt and his room smelled like her now- not the heady, potent distinctly female smell but one that was more perfumy, musky and yet all Maple. It was sugary and slightly cinnamon-like. It was a fumigation and it only reminded him that everything he’d wanted was right fucking there and he didn't do shit about it. 

'What the HELL is wrong with you?? She was offering, so why didn't you fucking collect??? HUH? ROGERS YOU IDIOT!' 

He groaned and slammed his hand into the wall. 

He was afraid. 

She’d been so… willing and OPEN with him it frightened him. 

He had been so close to saying yes but that fear that drove him to keep away from her in the first place was like a stake slowly being pushed further and further into his chest every moment he was with her, and yet she was the only one who could remove it in the first place. She didn't know what she was asking, what she was offering. She couldn't. 

The back and forth of his brain argued for minutes longer. 

'She’s too young, you could HURT HER- SHUT THE FUCK UP SHE DESERVES TO BE TAKEN YOU THINK ANYONE ELSE IS EVER GONNA SHOW HER WHAT A REAL MAN CAN DO- YOU’RE DISGUSTING- GO OUT THERE AND GET WHAT’S ALREADY YOURS.' 

It was so strange- Steve had never been so obsessed with anyone in his life. 

He knew it wasn't love. 

The only woman he’d ever loved deeply and wholly had been Peggy- he knew a love like that didn't happen more than once in a man’s life and he’d been head over heels for her but not like this. He never wanted Peggy to be… afraid of him. Needing him. There was a respect there, a mutual love and understanding and empathy unlike any he’d ever known, and this… This was different. 

His darker urges were ruling his every move around her, and it didn't come from a place of respect and admiration- he didn't even know her well enough to feel any of those things in the first place. Sure he respected her on the most basic level- her autonomy and the fact that she was a person with feelings and thoughts but even that was shaky ground in his crazed psyche. He did feel bad, her complete admission of how he had hurt her made him feel like shit. He had treated her terribly, he knew it. But that was mixed with desire and came out threateningly laughable. 

'So you ‘respect’ the girl but you still want to do all those naughty, naughty things with her. That makes sense, Rogers, you must really care huh. Captain Fucking America, the golden boy respecting women. You’re a great guy.' 

Call it an amalgamation of everything this life had thrown at him, the loss and the hurt. The loneliness, but for all he didn't understand about this obsession he did know it wasn't love. 

Love didn't want to break and bend, to bruise and shatter beyond all repair. Love didn't ask to be respected in the way Steve imagined her respecting him. Love wasn't obsessive and cruel or threw red flags at you every time you looked at the object of your desires. His most base desires. Nothing more, and nothing less. 

Somehow, that made it easier in his mind. He wasn't asking anything more of her- nothing more than she’d offered. She’d offered and he was going to take it. End this torture. Fine- she might not know what she was getting herself into but soon enough she’d know. Was it his fault if she’d found out too late? Goddammit, he couldn't be responsible for everyone and their feelings. Not anymore.  
He thought of her scent, the one he’d kept in his pocket for weeks. Was he really throwing it all away- all the lonely nights and times spent imagining when it was real and tangible in front of him?  
No. 

Steve found himself opening his door and walking across the hall, cursing the first time he’d stood in this place. 

He didn't knock, and immediately tried for the handle. Locked. 

“Friday, open Maple Grenwalt’s door security code Alpha-3-4-8 voice print Steve Rogers.” 

“Door is unlocked.” 

He twisted the handle, opened the door and closed it behind him, now shrouded in darkness. 

By the soft beating of her heart and the slowness in her breath, he knew she was already asleep. He locked the door behind him and approached the bed. He thought to try for the lamp, but not yet, the dark part of him whispered. Just wait, it coaxed. Savor this moment. 

Steve gently kneeled by the head of the bed, slowly resting his elbows on the soft mattress. His eyes had adjusted and the moonlight was silver in her room and cast shadows of trees from outside onto the wall. The branches looked like veins under translucent skin- dead. No life breathed beneath them, unlike the man himself. Although he was significantly warmer in her room, and desire started to pump through him, he found he was much calmer than he’d expected himself to be.  
The silver light breathed just enough of itself for Steve to see Maple as she lay on her side. The blankets were wrapped around her tightly and he thought for a moment, it might be hard to untangle her from them without waking her. He stopped that train of thought- he was going to wake her, soon. He just wanted to watch a little while longer. Her lips were slightly parted and he could smell her minty breath mixed with something else that sort of smelled like milk as it came out in little huffs. She was so peaceful looking- did he ever look so safe in his own sleep? He doubted it, and envied her at this, if only faintly. 

Her lips moved then, she was saying something in her sleep. 

“I'm… and… You aren't…. Ah, I can't.” It was fumbled and made no sense and Steve actually had to quiet the laugh that threatened to break through his throat. She was sort of adorable, he thought. Like this. Vulnerable and unknowing. 

He sighed quietly, resting his fists against his upper lip. 

Moving slowly, he had to turn at an angle to reach her face. Meer inches away, he watched her again for just a moment, counting the freckles on her cheeks. He closed the distance and kissed her. Her lips were just as soft as he remembered, as was her skin against his hand as he lightly grasped her shoulder. He pulled away to say her name, to wake her. 

“Maple, wake up.” 

She frowned and made a move to flip onto her back but he caught her. 

“Maple, wake up, I changed my mind.” 

Her awakening was clearly rude and startling. Her eyes squinted when they opened and she almost jumped back from him, a gasp escaping her. 

“Steve-” 

“Shh.” 

She calmed quickly, but eyed him suspiciously- dangerously. 

“What’re you doing-” 

“I changed my mind- is that okay?”  
The dark part of him laughed, It doesn't matter if she says no, so why even ask? 

She had to process what he said, sleep still fogging over her mind. 

“Wait what?” 

“I want to.” 

He had to admit he felt ashamed at saying it like how she had, to fuck. It wasn't untrue, but it made him feel unclean (that was ridiculous, he knew as well). 

She was still looking at him confused, unsure. Unclear as to how he got in here, surely. Why he had changed his mind, and why now. All the words on her lips but when she met his eyes, he knew she knew. None of it would matter- he wanted it now. It didn't matter why. They both seemed to just know. 

“Okay. Now?” 

“Yes.” 

She nodded, and went to turn on the bedside lamp but he once again caught her. 

“Let’s just stay like this.” 

“Okay.” 

Her voice was groggy from sleep, soft. All of her was soft, he knew. He needed her to envelope him in it. In her. 

She shifted and sat up more, and there was silence all around- he simply watched her, curious as to what she would do. 

“Um, there’s something you should know, I think.” 

“What is it?” 

He took her hand in his, softly rubbing circles over the side of her thumb, either mimicking or truly meaning to assure her he couldn't tell. 

“I’ve um, done stuff, but I’ve never gone… all the way.” 

His heart rate picked up at this as nervousness and steady want ran faster through him. 

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He didn't know if that was a lie, either. 

“Okay.” 

Steve stood up and waited for her to move over. He swiftly removed his shirt and loose sweatpants, leaving his briefs on. She moved, and hesitated before removing her own shirt- he couldn’t see beneath the covers what she wore. Her breasts were bare and well sized. Not big by any means, but enough to grab onto. Pert. He expected her to shy and attempt to cover herself but she didn't, in fact she looked at him brazenly through a quickly thinning sleepy expression.  
With one leg after the other, he naturally straddled both sides of her and leaned back onto his heels as she sat up further and reached for him with shaky hands.  
She wrapped her hands around his neck and came in close, a pause before she pressed her lips to his. It didn't take them long to get into an easy pattern of kiss, tongue and suck. It was wet and a little messy, but he liked it.  
Before long he was reaching below the covers to pull her up, his rough hands meeting soft material. She was just as light as he’d guessed, and even though it was a little awkward, they managed to pull apart long enough for her to situate herself in his lap. Her body so warm and the backs of her thighs a little sweaty against the tops of his own. It would’ve been impossible to ignore the stripe of intense heat that hovered and eventually sat on his crotch. He knew she could feel him then, hard against her and he purposefully ground up into her. She pulled away to sigh at this, resting her head against his shoulder. He did it again, and she returned in kind, equally measured pressure and he exhaled at the pleasure it created. They went on like this for a few more minutes, grind, sigh, grind, sigh and little kisses here and there. She was emitting the most lovely noises and Steve was surprised at his own heart- how gentle and caring he felt for her- unlike he had predicted he might be at first. He’d imagined himself pushing her around and throwing her on the bed to do his will… But this was nice. Just holding and being held and so intimate with another person. He wondered if she knew, if she could tell he was strangely holding back tears- when was the last time he’d been held like this? When had he felt so safe and alone with someone else? She cupped his cheek and kissed his neck lightly, before whispering into his ear, surprising him. 

“This f-feels s-so good, thank you.” 

She was thanking him! 

The knot in his throat got bigger, and the unexpectedness of it all made him hold onto her a little tighter. 

“Makin’ me feel so good, too.” The words were so low and rasped he didn't know if she heard them, and he kind of hoped she didn't- he wasn't supposed to be this vulnerable, but he couldn't help it. 

Eventually, their pace picked up and neither seemed to be able to want to break the movements of clothed heat against heat. He started to become a little worried he would come in his underwear, when he felt her legs tighten around his waist and still- shake and then he knew- she was coming. She let out the shakiest little breath and inhaled just the same, a moan in tow.  
She rocked herself against his now stiff body, waiting and feeling her as she rode out her own ecstasy. He turned to watch her bowed head, that familiar troubled expression on her face.

“Ah, Steve…” 

He was shocked and elated at this- the sound of her voice saying his name like that… 

“Did you just… ?” 

She gave a short nod, and then relaxed and he could feel the damp spot through his briefs. A chuckle released the tension in his throat and he watched as she fell back onto the bed. He felt a little odd in doing so, but took the spot next to her, propped up by his arm. 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to-” 

“Don't apologize.” The words were firmer than he’d meant for them to be, but she just nodded and he saw the afterglow blush on her cheeks, a little damp with perspiration too. 

Her eyes opened and she looked at him then, a little smile starting on her lips. She reached for him and placed a little kiss on the corner of his mouth- his beard. She whispered again, like someone would hear them. 

“Thank you… What do you want me to do?” 

Her tenderness kept surprising him- not that the sweetness itself was shocking but his own seemingly uncontrollable reaction to it. His cock was hard and heavy between his legs at all of it, her breathy voice and the scent of her so strong in the air. He was torn between asking her to let him down there, to lick her and taste her, and asking her to do the same for him… He felt rushed and overstimulated by the thought of either. 

It was sort of all too much, he hadn't been prepared like he thought. 

“J-just do whatever you want.” 

She nodded and removed her underwear, surprising him. 

It didn't seem to take her anytime to decide what she wanted to do, and when she began removing his briefs and finally straddling him he thought she was going to ride him. Her body above him like that- bare and dipped in silver light cast in the thin shadows was frighteningly beautiful. He could see the outline of her pussy, wet. When she didn't raise to lift him into her, he was disappointed but surprised again when she simply ground herself against him. She was wet and So Hot against him it was a little too much at first, the gasp that left him was shocking. She just slid herself up and down the length of him, watching and looking down at his cock. She smiled quickly, and looked back to him, 

“Y-you’re really big.” 

He laughed at that, but had to stop because she just sped up and the feeling of her on him like that was electrifyingly wonderful- he’d never done this before. Every time the entrance of her pussy met the head of his cock he had to stop himself from pushing her back and fucking her. It felt so goddamn good… One of his hands held her steady on her hip, the other loose at his side until he reached up to rub at her noticeably swollen clit- that made her jump. It was soft and plump under his thumb- warm. 

“Ah!” 

“That feel good?” 

She shook her head, 

“‘S too much…”  
For the first time tonight, he ignored her pleading and did it again- he liked the way she jumped, the idea that this little point on her body was under his control, and therefore her, was a powerful one. She must've thought he was teasing because she giggled and tried to pull his hand away, 

“Steve, please, it’s- ah!” 

He didn't let up, and she whimpered, never stopping her own rhythm against his cock but jolting as he did so. Her hands fell forwards onto his shoulders, trying to block him from touching her there, but he just snaked under and did it again. 

“Ah!” 

That sound drove him crazy, and he thrust against her a little harder, faster, trying to hit her clit- the wetness coming from her didn't stop and only slickened his motions. She was clearly trying to slow him down- but she was so light and little compared to him, she was no bother. 

“H-hey-” 

“Shh, just let me do this, I’ll make you come again- you’d like that, huh?” 

He was searching for her eyes and when he found them, her knit together brows and defeated face let him know he’d already won. Even when she tried to speak, no words could form- only those little mewls as he sped up- god she was so wet he was gonna come… He grunted and enjoyed it while the pleasure mounted in his cock. 

His orgasm spilled out faster than he’d thought it was going to, but he enjoyed it nonetheless, his cum came out in rivets between them while he was blind with white hot energy- he hadn't come like this in… He didn't know how long. Eventually he had to still, and still her hips with both his hands because it was too much again. She immediately stopped at the slight pressure. The pulsing of it all, her, him, was slowing and gradually a dull pleasing ache hummed throughout the length and tip of his slowly softening cock…  
She was sitting atop him still, and when he was finally able to open his eyes he saw a little droplet of his cum speckled on her right breast. She smiled lazily, and winced when she gently removed herself from him. A little bit of her own wetness clung to him when she did this, and Steve wondered if she came again. 

“That was really nice…” 

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, his mind was blank except for the faint admiration of her figure sitting like that, the little fold of skin between her hip and thigh was erotic and so feminine to him. 

“Yeah.” 

She stood and he wondered where she was going when she entered the bathroom, though didn't turn on the light. He heard the running of water and then she appeared back in the room with a damp washcloth.  
Maple took her time cleaning herself of his come and then her own, before doing the same for him. The washcloth was warm and he reveled in the feeling of being cleaned like this. He was propped against the pillows a little more, and the silence that filled the room was peaceful. He enjoyed watching her wipe the come from his stomach and torso. When she was done, she threw the dirty towel in the hamper and came back over to sit on the edge of the bed. 

He thought maybe she would ask him to leave but just yawned and sighed a little. 

“Was that good for you?” 

She was leaning into her arm, her cheek against her own shoulder. It was a concerned and kind question- she wanted to know if she should be doing more for him. 

“That was perfect.”  
He couldn't lie to her if he wanted to, not then. 

A smile broke her features and she looked away, shy suddenly. 

“Good, I’m glad.” 

“Did you come again?” 

“No, but-” 

“I can fix that.”  
He was moving towards her, sitting up and grabbing her wrist a little more forcefully than necessary, but his previously satiated mind and body was now riled up again at her admission. Steve knew his libido was… higher than most men’s, but if anything it was a blessing at times like this. He would make her come a million times if it meant he could watch and feel her. 

“N-no, Steve, it’s okay I’m really fine.” 

Her tone asked for his understanding and when she tried to resist by getting to her knees on the bed, Steve was only more determined. 

“Why not? You’ll feel good, and you deserve to feel good- especially after making me feel so good.” 

She blushed, while still trying to escape his grasp- not that she could if she was trying with all her might.

“That’s really nice of you to say but I-I don't want to, I'm really tired and I feel good already.” 

He couldn't understand why she didn't want to? Had it not been good for her? 

“What, was that not good for you?” 

She froze and huffed, 

“Steve, please, I promise it was really good, I'm honestly just so tired and I-I don't think I could handle it, I f-feel really sensitive d-down there right now.” 

He watched her desperate face and finally gave in- fine, tonight she could rest, but next time… Next time he would be sure to make her feel just as good as he felt. Even more so. 

“Alright, but next time I’ll be sure to make you feel extra good.” 

She seemed a little put off by this, but he ignored it and took the opportunity to pull her to him then and reached down to bring the sheets up around them. 

“Is it okay if I stay here for a while?” 

He didn't wait for her to say no while he adjusted the pillows to his liking and rested his exhausted frame on her too soft mattress. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

He finally understood the meaning of relaxed- his body melded against her and nuzzled the top of her head. Her scent was strong and like a sedative, lulled him into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really appreciate any/all feedback. i've had this written for a while, and even more written that i haven't posted. lemme know if this is something you'd continue to read! xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard to sleep like this. 

Maple had never slept next to anyone before- well, not like this. Not after doing the things they’d just done… 

Something had shifted in him, she knew. 

She couldn't tell exactly when, the specific moment, but something changed within him.   
He had been so determined, so ready to make her come again, it scared her a little how much she had to tell him no, and how little he seemed to be moved by her resistance. 

His grip had been solid and unmoveable, she didn't know why she even tried- he was twice, maybe three times her own size and strength. At first, that had definitely turned her on, but now, as the giant of a man held her close she felt a tinge of worry at it all.   
He was so self assured this would happen again- herself? She honestly hadn't thought it would happen more than once… Not that it hadn't been amazing, if not… different, but was she ready to continue this? 

Maple had been sexually active with two other people in her life. Once, with her first boyfriend when she’d only been fourteen- nervous and inexperienced hands hadn't been bad, but certainly too young.   
Then with her girlfriend her junior year of high school. They’d been in love and wanted to try things, so they did but Maple never went further than hands. She didn't need to, and although she didn't consider herself a virgin, she didn't think of herself as… all the way there, for sure. She’d never had anything bigger than three fingers in her and that meant something to her, despite how unaffected she had previously been. She guessed it was just because she didn't really know if she’d be with a man again in her life. 

Now… 

Steve seemed to want more, and she didn't know how far that would go. She wasn't stupid, she knew what he probably wanted and he had made it clear, it took a lot for him to consider and stop when he was determined. 

But did she want that first time to be with him? 

He’d been passionate and kind at first, slow and lovely. It had felt so good, that she needed to tell him and thank him. 

So, there was that. 

But… 

Ever since she’d found him in her room, and everytime after, Maple had a bad feeling about Steve. There was something he’d been hiding from the world, and she was afraid she might have let it out. 

*** 

Maple hadn't talked to Steve in three days. 

He thought he’d been paranoid at first when he suspected she was avoiding him, but he quickly realized his instincts had been right. 

Every time he went into the lab, she was either gone or had headphones in and seemed to be purposefully faced away from him so as not to appear at having seen him, but he could hear her heart rate pick up when he neared her so he knew she knew he was there. 

He wondered if she regretted what had happened between them, if she was uncomfortable around him now. 

Steve knew he’d probably screwed up when he’d awaken the next morning to find her already gone from the bed and he recounted the night before- he’d been so aroused and intoxicated by their love making that he’d lost himself- he knew. He should’ve been more careful, more aware of himself…. There wasn't much he could do now, he knew that. 

He’d just have to wait it out. 

Or. 

Or… 

He could always just let himself in again, tell her he wanted what he wanted and take it whether she wanted it or not- 

No. 

Not THAT. 

He… 

Steve wasn't that kind of man. Maybe when he was younger- still that skinny little kid with a different disease every week. The kind of kid that girls blew kisses at but never meant anything by- and if they showed him the slightest bit of affection that might suggest more, it took them a lot of trouble to explain they had boyfriends or were just being ‘friendly’, leaving him red faced. They thought he was cute, but not enough to keep. Not enough to love…   
That kid had dreamt of being big and strong and healthy- like Bucky. Taking whatever gal he wanted and they couldn't refuse him because they wanted him so bad. And even if they didn't want him, he’d have been strong enough to take what he wanted.

Many lonely nights were spent as a young teen jerking off to fantasies that involved the different girls he went to school with- any kind. The loud ones who had lots of friends and annoyed the teachers, the quiet ones who kept to themselves or the small circles of girls at the lunch tables. The cheerleaders and book worms- all of them.   
He imagined that they couldn't resist him and when they tried, he was too strong. He’d pin them down and grab at them, soft body parts (or so he imagined). 

The little skinny kid was good- he never actually DID any of those things- that's what he told himself when they waved at him kindly. He’d never actually be that guy- he hated guys like that! Those were the same guys that beat him up in alleyways, and he was better than them. In his heart.   
They were just thoughts, and a thought couldn't be harmful unless acted on, and he'd never act on them so it didn't matter! 

But that was the trouble, Steve was big and strong now. He had been for a while. And so far he’d been right- girls flocked to him and never resisted. In fact, he was usually the one turning them down. 

Until her. 

And she hadn't even turned him down, necessarily. 

He had to keep reminding himself that, she had just been tired and he was just getting too excited again. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. 

Nothing yet. 

And NOTHING WOULD. 

Steve knew he would have to show her that. He was a good man and worthy of her. It might take a while for her to come around to it- and that had been his own fault. He hadn't been careful and he’d been unkind to her. 

Yes, he’d just have to show her.   
*** 

Maple was sitting under the cool shadow of an elm tree. 

It was hot out today, and Dr. Banner had to leave earlier to pick up ‘delicate’ supplies that needed his ‘immediate attention’ leaving little work for her to do as his absence waned. 

In the afternoon heat, Maple decided to take her lunch outside and read under a rather nice elm tree. She had almost eaten in the main kitchen like usual, but Steve had been in there and he was all alone. She’d seen him from a distance and wanted to avoid him for now. 

In all honesty, he’d freaked her out a bit the night before. 

She didn't deny the lovely feelings he’d brought her, but she knew that he was acting different. She didn't know if it was simply how they did things back in his day or if it was just a ‘him’ thing, but it had put her off and she didn't want to give him the wrong idea. She was not looking for a serious relationship, if any at all. It had been a one time thing in her head and she wanted to keep it that way for now.   
Part of her knew other people in her position wouldn't be so… 

Cautious. 

Or whatever. 

But there was something in her gut that had told her to let it cool for a few days, and leave it at that. If he wanted to make a move, then okay, but she wasn't going to go begging for another roll in the sack any chance she got. She needed to know- would he break? Show up at her door at 2 am begging for her? Would he corner her and demand an explanation- it was so strange, two months ago if she knew her thoughts now were projected towards Him, Steve Fucking Rogers, she would have a hard time believing it.   
But he had thrown her off completely, and she knew she had to approach this delicately. She hadn't just slept with anyone and not just the fact that he was pretty darn famous, much older and living right across the hall from her was causing such a reaction. He was… decisive and yet clearly emotionally volatile. She hadn't missed his deep breathing and whole body language- he had been about to cry the other night. 

She wasn't blaming him, he’d been through a lot, but she wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with all of that and she worried he’d latch onto her and demand emotional as well as physical dues. 

“Good afternoon.” 

Maple rose from her thoughts, and open book in her hand- she’d gotten lost in both. 

There he was, the subject of her worries in front of her. He looked comfortable in his plain t shirt and khakis. His beard made him look much older, she thought, but no less attractive. Dangerous, too. 

“Hey, good afternoon.” 

He nodded to the book in her hand, 

“What are you reading this time? More Rumi?” 

She shook her head, and handed it to him. 

“Pablo Neruda.”   
She wondered if he would ask about… If he’d somehow read her mind and was here to confront her.  
He nodded again and opened it to the page she had book marked, reading the lines aloud. 

“‘Lament of old mouths, blood of old supplications. Love me, companion. Don't forsake me. Follow me. Follow me, companion on this wave of anguish.’” 

Maple tried not to blush- it felt wrong for him to read it and made her feel paranoid and jittery. 

“I, uh, I like the way he describes his feelings and how he describes her.” 

Steve was still reading it, silently this time, before he handed it back to her. 

“I’ll have to read more of his work sometime, it’s… interesting. Unique. You don't see a lot of that these days.” 

Maple gulped- he was looking at her straight on now, and just like last time, it seemed she couldn't escape, he had her trapped. 

“Y-yeah, I guess so…” 

Maple flinched, though hardly noticeable, when Steve sat down next to her- she hadn't expected that. 

“I wanted to apologize for the other night- I guess I’m always apologizing to you, huh?” 

She wasn't sure what to say to this confession so just shrugged and tried to match his own sheepish smile. 

He continued, “Maple, I think you, uh, you’ve gotten a really bad impression of me- and that’s all my fault, but I really wanted to make it up to you. This past year has been extremely… difficult, for reasons I’m sure you already know,” He held up his two hands as if to stop an interruption from her that hadn't even come, “And that’s not an excuse, truly, just an explanation. I haven't been taking care of myself properly, and I'm afraid you’ve seen the worst of it. I'm not usually like this.” 

Maple found herself picking at the grass, trying to understand his point and understand him. This was Captain America talking, she could just tell. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. 

“I don't do the things I did the other night the way I did them- I ask permission and I'm respectful. I was being totally inappropriate, and I really feel that I’ve taken advantage of you and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am and that it won't happen again. I don't expect you to accept this apology or be friends or anything of the sort, I just thought you should know.” 

Now she REALLY didn't know what to say.

“Um…” 

“It's okay, you don't have to say anything, I just… I felt bad. I still feel bad. I just wanted you to know I'm not… that guy. I'm better than that.” 

He was looking at her intensely again, like he was trying to get her to understand that he was being genuine- like he needed her to know. 

“Anyway,” He finally looked away, relieving her of his stare, “If you ever need anything, of course, you can always ask. I promise I won't… make you uncomfortable anymore.” 

His chuckle did little to ease the tension of the scene he’d set. 

“O-okay. Thank you…” 

“You don't have to thank me, Maple. I’ll see you around, okay?” 

She nodded faintly and decisively looked away as he stood and walked off. 

Maple frowned, guilt ridden and confused, she wondered at what all of this meant. 

*** 

Things were normal. 

Sort of. 

Maple hadn't seen much of Steve these days, and she liked to think that was a good thing. The last mission actually went off without a hitch and from what little intel she was allowed to be aware of, she knew that James Barnes was due back any day now. People all around were in good spirits.   
She herself only had two more months at the Compound before it was back to New York and her mom. The good news was that her aunt had moved to Paris over the summer and wasn't planning on returning soon, but wanted to keep her apartment. She’d asked Maple over a late night phone call if she’d be willing to house sit the place for the foreseeable future before she decided to come back. 

“I just can't part with that place- took me forever to get a hold of it. Of course the rent would be paid! You’d just have to watch Charlie and water the plants!” 

Her eccentric aunt was the owner of a growing perfume business (hence, Paris) and didn't seem to have a problem paying for two different apartments- needless to say, Maple was rather thrilled! Of course she accepted, and was dreaming of the small but homey place she would soon (sort of) call her own. It would give her plenty of time to find an okay job and save up for a real apartment, and possibly school (once she figured out what it was she wanted to do). 

These thoughts took up her time, as well as helping Dr. Banner most days. She still took her morning walks, though later so as not to run into Steve. 

Again, he seemed to really keep to himself and she hardly saw him. When she did he was polite, if he talked to her at all, and kept his distance. 

The strange part was, her own preconceived notions about whether or not he slept around were squashed after she caught him not once, but three times sneaking different agents back to his room and then sending them on their way in the wee hours of the morning. It was hard not to hear the ‘whispers’ out in the hallway, and once Maple had actually been getting up to get water when she happened to see a woman leaving his room. She had smiled at her sheepishly and Maple returned it- she hadn't wanted to embarrass her… But she herself felt red in the face when it had happened.   
In all honesty, it made her feel better despite the awkwardness. He hadn't been weirdly obsessed with her, he had just been lonely. And now he wasn't! Simple problem, simple solution. 

It was the evening before James Barnes was supposed to return, Maple was sitting on her bed sifting through job listings in the area surrounding her aunt’s apartment. She had the strange sensation of being watched, then and looked to the sliding glass door- of course her curtains were covering the outside completely, so she was just being paranoid. She was about to return to the thinning listings, when a knock at her door startled her. She clutched her chest and shook her head, standing to see who it was. She wasn't able to see through her little pink scarf she’d placed over the window who was out there, but had a sinking feeling in her chest as she opened the door. 

Oh. 

“Hi Steve.” 

He smiled at her earnestly, his hands behind his broad back like he was hiding something. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you, but I have a favor to ask.” 

She tried smiling back at him, 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

He scooped his hands around to reveal a pair of scissors and clippers. 

“Would you mind giving me a trim? I only ask because I figured you do well enough on your own hair and I don't trust Sam.” He chuckled charismatically and Maple was still trying to catch up with his request. She reached up and self consciously felt at the almost jagged ends of her own pixie cut. It was true, she trimmed it every once in a while herself, but she had no experience with someone else. 

“Oh, Steve, that’s nice of you to think of me but, I swear, I’ve like never done it on anyone else-” 

“I trust you.” He was still smiling at her like he was posing. Captain America, not Steve. 

“Um…” 

“If you really don't want to, I get it- I just… I'm kind of desperate.” 

He then reached up and pulled at the growing bit of hair that did in fact look a little unruly. 

“I'm not asking for anything fancy- just a trim.” 

Steve looked awkward sitting on the small stool in Maple’s bathroom. The towel around his shoulders did little to cover their broad width and Maple (of course) found it hard not to stare at his bare chest. His hair was damp after he ran it under the showerhead and Maple was drawn back to that night when she ran her fingers gently through it. The kinetic memory made her pause- was this okay? She didn't feel uncomfortable necessarily, but she did feel like she was doing something… wrong. Like she would get in trouble. 

“Like I said, I haven't really done this for anyone else before, so I’ll probably just do a small trim in the back…” 

“Alright.” 

He was quiet, and didn't say much at first. Maple took her time trying to make sure she was doing an even job- she didn't know if he also wanted his beard trimmed… she figured he could at least do that part by himself.   
Following a similar regime she used on herself, Maple was actually relieved to find it was looking better than she’d thought it might. She had to continually step around and stand in front of him, eye level to make sure she was getting it all even. He found her eyes each time she did this, and she tried her best to give small smiles and then continue on her work. 

By the end, the bathroom floor was covered in small blond hairs as was the towel draped precariously around his shoulders. 

“Okay… I think I got it.” 

She removed the towel with precision so as not to drop all the hairs it held. He smiled at her and looked into the bathroom mirror on his left. He stood and with wide eyes, turned back and forth to see as much of it as he could. She waited with a breath in her chest- no discernable emotion would reveal itself to her on his face. 

“This looks great, Maple, thank you.” 

He finally smiled at her through her reflection and she did the same back. 

“I'm just glad it turned out good, I was worried I wouldn't keep your ears on straight.” 

He laughed absently, still looking over her work- he looked freakishly tall and large in her mirror, and herself a twig of a person. She’d never seen how they looked standing beside one another before. 

“No, you did great, thank you.” 

She had to admit he did look better than he had half an hour ago. He looked more like himself. 

“No problem.” 

She stood by the bathroom door- she couldn't help but hope he would leave soon. Even after he’d basically stopped acting strange around her, Maple felt that their whole… thing was best left in the past. 

“Do you mind if I use your shower? Just to rinse off the hairs? I would use mine, but I don't want to track them through your room.” 

Maple sighed internally. Fine, whatever. It’s just a shower. 

“Yeah, no problem. Let me get you a clean towel.” 

She went over to the small linen closet across from her bed and retrieved a clean one. 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’ll be out of your hair soon.” 

She shook her head, 

“It’s cool, I get it.” 

After she could hear the flow of water on tile, Maple tried to go back to her computer- it was hard though. Despite everything, Maple didn't try to deny that no matter how strange he’d been, it would affect anyone to have Steve Rogers using their shower. He really seemed to take his time, however, and after twenty minutes, Maple was almost getting worried. Why was he taking so long? 

Finally the shower turned off and Maple wondered if she should leave- go get something from the kitchen while he dressed? Be back by the time he was leaving? That would be good, probably… By the time she was closing her laptop, however, the bathroom door was opening to reveal a half naked Steve wrapped in her towel. It was too small for him, clearly, and it did little to cover, well, a lot. 

“Thanks, Maple.” His clothes were folded in his hands, and she was quick to respond, possibly out of sheer nerves than any real competency. 

“Oh yeah, no problem.” 

“Would you like me to bring back a broom? I can sweep up in there if-” 

“Nope, don't worry about it I got it.” 

Maple remembers what he looked like shirtless, and well, more, but it had been dark then and the soft bathroom light only accentuated his overtly masculine features now making it very hard to look away. 

“Are you sure? I mean I was the one who-” 

“No, Steve, I promise it’s all good. I got it.” 

He looked to her unsurly, still leaning against the doorframe like he lived there. 

“Alright then, thanks again,” He pushed from it and made his way to her door, “Have a nice night.” 

“You too, Steve.” She gave him a small wave, hoping he would finally disappear. Before he closed the door behind him, he stopped and turned slowly, giving her a rather chilling smile. 

“Oh, and Maple?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I owe you one.” 

He winked and then was gone. 

*** 

Bucky was exhausted. 

He didn't usually succumb to the feats of muscle aches or sleepiness like he was now, but he supposed that it wasn't that unexpected considering the circumstances. 

As he rounded the corner to the elevators which would descend him to the staff living area, he was grateful it was so late. No one would be up and he would be able to just sleep before enduring the chaos tomorrow was sure to hold. 

Boy was he wrong about that one. 

He had just exited the elevator and stepped off to be met with a terrible sight- 

“WELCOME HOME BUCKY!” 

“Jesus Christ-” 

Every agent, temp, scientist, and other employee seemed to be standing in front of the kitchen area, awaiting his return. There was a bottle of champagne popping in his peripheral and after the loud whoops and cheers sort of died down, Bucky was met with one too many hugs. 

Sam, Steve, and Bruce gave him claps on the back while a few familiar agents smiled and shook his hand. 

Christ, he was not expecting that. Fuck. 

“We’ve missed you, man!” 

“How ya holdin up?” 

“How’d it all go? I read that report but-” 

“Gentleman, I'm sure we can all agree to letting the man settle for a moment before we barricade him, hmm? I'm sure he’s had enough of that over the past few months.” 

Fury’s voice rang through the cacophony, and for once, Bucky was thankful for it. 

Music played throughout and people were already dispersing to help themselves to little bits of food and drink in the crowded kitchen- Bucky was still surprised. He really thought he’d carved out his space as the black sheep- had they really missed him that much? No, they were just being polite. He gave the only tight lipped smile he could while Steve embraced him again. 

“This was not my idea by the way.” 

He gave a dry chuckle at his friend, not totally believing him but accepting his white flag anyhow. 

“Right, that honor would go to me.” Sam smiled brightly at him, and Bucky sighed, 

“Of course it would- thanks man, just what I needed after being on a recon for five months, I really appreciate it.”   
Sam just shook his head and lightly punched him- he was glad that Sam always seemed to get his dry, and even jabbing humor beneath his seemingly unaffected exterior. 

The guys poured him a shallow glass of some whiskey while they stood around the main kitchen counter and people already seemed to be clearing out- he was relieved. They’d only been talking for half an hour, but it was getting late (almost 12) and his little adrenaline rush was most definitely wearing off. His original desire to shower and go to bed was still strong, and he hoped that at least Steve would get the hint and begin to round people off. 

“... So it went pretty well, and with all the intel you gathered, I'm confident we can start planning a real strike-” Steve was cut off. 

“Hey, come on guys, lets quit the shop talk already, it's late as hell. All this man has been talking about for weeks was that mission, I really thought I heard the last of it when it was all over, but I was wrong about that.” Sam shook his head at Steve who looked away and laughed lightly at his friend’s annoyance. Bruce laughed as well. 

Bucky felt himself smile, 

“Hey, how do you think I felt? My only contact was Fury.” 

He nodded as if to say, ‘true’, and Bucky watched for Steve’s reaction, only to see he was looking off behind him. Bucky turned himself, and saw Steve was looking intensely at a young girl with short brown hair. Bucky himself was surprised- she was very pretty, but not in a first glance sort of way. It was a unique beauty. She was listening intently at something an agent was saying to her and laughed at whatever it was. Bucky could listen if he wanted to, but only did that when he really needed to. Her smile was soft and eye catching and although Bucky wouldn't have guessed she was Steve’s type, he could understand why. 

Finally, after it seemed everyone had gone to bed, Bucky finished what little was in his glass (not that it did hardly anything for him) and went to say a final goodnight to Steve who was standing by the giant windows, looking out. 

“So, who was that dame you kept ogling the whole night?” 

“Huh?” 

Steve’s reply was tired and a bit numb sounding, Bucky wondered if he’d got it wrong, but pursued the rabbit trail, nonetheless. 

“The girl? With the short hair? I thought I caught you lookin’ at her at least three times, man.” 

“Oh… Yeah.” 

Bucky started to get hot under his thick layers- why was he being so evasive? Had he embarrassed him? 

“So… What’s the deal there? You into her or what?” 

Steve finally looked at him, absently scratching the back of his neck. 

“Oh… You know how it is, try and ask a girl out, but she isn't into you like that- doesn't matter much anyhow, she’s too young for me. Probably scared her off, to be honest.” 

Bucky had a hard time believing that, but nodded still, trying to understand. He didn't think Steve could scare off a woman if he tried. 

“Mmm.” The non committal response was really all Bucky could think to reply. 

“Yeah.” 

He still seemed distracted, so Bucky said a quiet goodnight and finally made his way back to his rarely slept in quarters. 

Words were… difficult for Bucky. There were days when he still felt that he could hardly say two words at all. The speech therapist he’d had a few sessions with just when he’d been finally saved from HYDRA’s hold had insisted that speaking was like riding a bike- you never really forget how. Might take you a few tries, but soon enough your body takes over and muscle memory supplies that which a muddled head can't. Bucky thought that over seventy years was a long time to not be riding a proverbial bike and he was still waiting for that muscle memory to take over. 

He had few memories of his youth- and even fewer of Steve. Mostly it was the war, and beyond that, trivial, nonsensical things like the way his childhood bed had felt (he thinks) and whenever he smells meat being cooked he is brought memories of a pretty woman who he surmises must’ve been his mother. That always makes him a little sad, though he can never pick out exactly why.   
There are other things too, less like memory and more like feeling. Like simply knowing he’s out of touch with technology and pop culture. Someone said to him that it would be easier for memories to come back had he been in a familiar setting, but since he’s not… He just feels out of place.   
He wonders if it’s like that for Steve- if he just feels out of place or if it’s deeper than that- he sort of thinks so. Steve remembers that time, so he can miss specific people or places or things. Bucky can only miss what’s not there on a vague level- he knows something isn't the same as it used to be, he just isn't totally sure what it is. 

It had never been so bad until he’d gone away, and spent all those months in seclusion. In all honesty, that prospect had scared him a little (that fear itself scared him too- when was the last time he’d been afraid?). But it was also freeing in a sense- no one had been there to make him sleep or wake up and do things he couldn't really recall but also had the most vivid memories of. No one was there to watch and detail, to document. He was allowed to just be.   
He woke up a lot of nights crying (over what, he could never remember) or didn't sleep at all, then slept for days on end. It was odd and terrible. But then he would have the strangest moments of simple peace. When he would first wake up after a rare night of deep sleep. He would stumble from the little cot and the air around him would be thick with the breath of twilight and it would feel NEW. Not strangling him in feelings of deja vu he couldn't explain or worse, very detailed memories of things he’d rather be buried somewhere no one could ever find… But that peace, of knowing this was new and he was still alive… sometimes that was all he could ever ask for. Just knowing that this new thing, this had never been experienced by his body before. No one had asked it of him or forced it upon him- he made the decision. 

Those times were good. 

Few, but good. 

When his head finally hit the pillow, he strangely thought about the girl Steve had been staring at. 

He fell asleep thinking of her laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok here's this lmao. thanks for reading n reviewing n kudos. ily.


	4. Chapter 4

Maple would have never suspected it, there was no reason to. 

Everything she’d ever heard about James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes, aka THEE Winter Soldier, had led her to believe he was a broken man, hardened by war and circumstance. And he probably was. 

But his light and easy banter with Sam Wilson, and Steve made it hard for her to believe he was anything but a regular guy. A little withdrawn, yes, but normal all the same. His metal arm was obvious, and in that, Maple found it hard enough not to stare. And even that, he seemed to keep covered with long sleeved tees or jackets.  
Because he was mostly always with or around Steve, she found it easier to keep her distance and pretend either didn't exist. Well, not that far. Maple was friendly by nature, and so if eye contact allowed, she would grace a small smile that was always received with a nervous like grimace. Maple found this expected and not abnormal. So it seemed, her last two months were mostly uneventful and even dull at times- but she decided she prefered it to the weirdness that had ensued with Steve. 

Maple had had a long afternoon of recording things into the computer for Bruce, and even assisting him on a few of his experiments- he’d grown frustrated at the meek results, that of which she herself hardly understood, but could tell it was very much upsetting him. Eventually he’d asked her to politely leave the lab as he needed to cool down and she did so not unwillingly. It wasn't until she got back to her room she realized it was pretty late. When she fell asleep, it was unrested and easily disturbed.  
Around two in the morning, Maple was awakened by the sounds of someone out in the hall. It took her a few seconds, but she eventually identified the voice of Steve and an agent for which she didn't know her name. Their voices carried in small wave like echoes muffled only by the door which now seemed all too thin. She couldn't hear exactly what they were saying, but caught words which let her know they were having a pretty ordinary conversation. Well, ordinary besides the fact it sounded like they were RIGHT OUTSIDE HER ROOM AND IT WAS TWO IN THE MORNING. She tried covering her ears with the pillows, but that proved exhuasting and not worth the poor sound control. She flipped on her bedside lamp, hopefully alerting them to her presence (not that Steve didn't know she slept here!) and hopefully make them scamper off- the silence stilled, but for a moment only. The resumed voices let her know that was for naught. She flicked off the lamp and lay there frustrated. Around twenty minutes later, they finally trailed off and the click of Steve’s door closing let her know at least one of them was going to sleep soon, and she knew it wasn't her. 

At five in the morning, sleep finally found her again, but only for three hours. 

The day lagged, and since Bruce’s failed experiments the day before, he had her working at twice the pace and amount. When they didn't break for lunch, Maple knew she would be there till late in the evening. She was exhausted.  
The one time Steve showed his face in the lab, Maple was sure to give him the death glare (her version, not so intimidating), though he hardly seemed to notice her presence at all. 

Late in the evening, Bruce finally waved her off to go to bed, saying he could finish the rest himself. She didn't wait for extra confirmation and dragged heavy feet to the staff living area. When she exited the elevator, she debated heading straight for bed, as it was almost 9:30, but knew her stomach would be clenching in hunger all night if she didn't eat at least Something, so she forced herself to shuffle into the dark space.  
Harsh as it was, the refrigerator light beckoned her to a container of leftovers she’d cooked a few nights ago and pasta was now on the menu. 

Maple sat in the dim light, quietly eating what she could in her sleepy state, wondering at the day behind her. She usually didn't get frustrated or vindictive, but all she could think about at that moment was kicking Steve Rogers in the nuts for keeping her up as late as he had. Whether intentionally or not, she was pissed. It had been so uncharacteristically inconsiderate of him- he must've known he had been loud and standing what sounded like right outside her door… If he had been trying to piss her off (a highly unrealistic goal), he’d absolutely done it.  
She rolled her eyes at the thought of him sneaking around so late at night and almost pathetically realized she’d just been one of his little late night trysts and nothing more. She was surprised she even cared- she hadn't before… What had changed? Jeez, he had all the charm of a frat boy when she thought of him like that.  
Disappointed, Maple tried to think of other things and eventually she thought of James Barnes. What would he think of Steve doing such things (and people)? Did he care? Was he any better? Somehow, she thought that maybe he was… maybe. 

Damn. She was tired. 

*** 

Bucky was coming in from a late night run. He hadn't been able to sleep, he was restless and a strange amount of energy pushed him to take a light jog around the track outside that turned into a swift marathon. He was sweaty when he got back, but more relaxed. 

He made his way out of the dark elevator, and stopped before the kitchen. 

Someone was in there. 

He paused, and then entered when he realized it was that girl- the one who smiled at him a lot. Well, it sure felt like a lot. They were innocent, and only seconds long but they always threw him for a loop and left him wanting to smile back. He tried, but he wasn't very good at it. 

She was asleep, her arms framing her neck which looked uncomfortable in it’s twisted position. He suddenly couldn't remember her name- was he ever made aware of it in the first place? He didn't think so… He should wake her. She had a half empty container open beside her, the fork still in her hand. She must've been pretty tired to have just fallen asleep like this. 

“H-hey… Girl.” He cringed at his own words. 

She was still softly breathing. 

“Hey, wake up.” He gently prodded her shoulder, almost afraid to touch her. 

‘She’s so soft…” He didn't mean to, but his hand lingered on her shoulder, and he watched in seemingly dumb fascination at his own thumb’s work of roving the too soft skin underneath. The little hairs on her arm stood on end suddenly, and he quickly retreated his hand. He took a step back and watched as she lifted her sleepy gaze to him- startled. 

“Oh!” 

He couldn't help the small laugh-like huff of breath that left him and his shoulders raised to his ears at his own presence. 

“Hey, sorry-” 

“Woah, I must’ve fallen asleep-” 

“Yeah.” 

She smiled shyly at him and let go of the fork loosely held in her small hand. 

“Thanks, for waking me up. Would’ve sucked to wake up here in the morning.” 

He nodded, 

“No problem.” 

The girl stood up from the stool, and Bucky didn't miss the stretch of her muscles, the twist of her back and in all of it- grace. How, he didn't know, but it startled him- he found it so lovely. 

“You working out?” 

“Huh?” He could barely focus on the words coming from her lips- I get why Steve was staring at her so much- she’s beautiful. 

“You’re up late, kinda, um, sweaty. Just thought maybe you were-” 

“Oh, yes. Um, I was- I was running. Outside.” 

If she noticed his strange framing of words, she made no sign of it. 

“Ooh, that must be nice- I mean, since it’s been so hot.” 

She was standing at the sink, washing her dishes. Talking to him like it was the most natural thing in the world and he wasn't just standing there, like a… like he didn't know what. 

“Yea, it was… nice.” 

The girl dried her hands and when she looked at him, he felt suddenly uncomfortable- she was staring at him like she was wondering something. She freaked him out more when she took a few decisive steps that made a path Towards Him and held out her hand for him to shake. 

“My name is Maple, by the way. Sorry I didn't introduce myself the other night, I figured you were… tied up with everybody and tired.” 

He had to cover the shock he felt with a stiff nod- she was holding his vibranium hand still, and making no effort to shy away from it- to leave him. 

“I'm Bucky.” 

She laughed a little and finally let go of his hand, 

“I know. Nice finally getting to meet you,” Maple smiled softly at him while she walked backwards out of the kitchen, “Thanks for waking me up. Hope you sleep well.” 

“Okay. Thanks.” 

She was gone, and words were strange. 

It only caught up to him when he was standing under the shower that ‘okay, thanks’ was not the correct response. He blushed at the thought. 

*** 

Maple looked at the text on her phone, slightly confused by it’s origin as much as she was by the content it held. 

**(808)-311-6991 (7:59 am): Bruce wants us to go to the city. Meet me in the garage.**

Maple smiled and frowned all at once- it was sort of ridiculous. At first, she thought of texting the number back, asking who it was. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she scratched the side of her thigh lightly before deciding to text Dr. Banner herself. 

**Me (8:01 am): Hey, did you want me to go to the city for something? Sorry, idk who just texted me.**

She waited for a minute, and then went about getting dressed, figuring if she did need to go to the city, whoever was waiting in the garage probably didn't want to do it for too much longer. Just as she slipped on her loose jeans, her phone buzzed. 

**Dr. Banner (8:04 am): Sorry Maple- meant to text u earlier. Yes, Bucky is going to the city for some supplies he needs and i asked that u tag along. I need some more of those particle beakers? The ones we used last week? I figured you would know which ones.**

She wasn't opposed to going, but felt surprised Dr. Banner didn't want to go himself. Then again, she thought, it was just a few supplies. 

It will be nice to get out of the compound, at least. 

**Me (8:05 am): Okay, no problem.**

Maple yawned while she exited the elevator- the cool, humid air in the garage helped to wake her up a bit more. She took only a few steps before she realized she had no idea where Bucky was- the garage had three levels and many, many cars. Before her fears could become realized, however, a black Jaguar pulled up. The passenger side window rolled down and Bucky sat in the driver’s seat. 

“You ready?” 

She nodded shortly and opened the car door, settling in. Her seatbelt was barely on before Bucky was pulling quickly out of the dimly lit space. 

Neither said anything for what seemed to Maple an awkward amount of time. She guessed she hadn't really processed it, but she was suddenly realizing she felt nervous. Maple glanced at Bucky- he was focused on the road, turning onto the long drive that led to the main highway. 

She wondered if he was annoyed by her presence, if he found it a nuisance he had to drag this young girl around with him, and couldn't help hoping he didn't. The need to explain that this wasn't her idea, before coming to the conclusion he probably already knew that didn't help… She had a paranoid thought that maybe Steve had told him about her- about them… Would he have? She grimaced at the idea. Her fingers played anxiously in her lap and she almost flinched when he broke the strange silence with his gruff voice. 

“Sorry, that you had to come along. I'm hopeless with all that science stuff.” 

She was confused only a moment, realizing he was speaking of the supplies she was meant to get for Dr. Banner. 

“Oh, no, I'm actually glad. I've been stuck at that place for too long, it’s good to get out.” 

“Mmm.” Was all he said. 

“So, uh, what are you supposed to get? In the city, I mean.” Maple hoped Bucky wouldn't be bothered by her question. 

“There are some uh, old files I gotta pick up at an abandoned base.” He didn't seem annoyed, but rather concerned. Sad, even, that he had to tell her such. It didn't take her long to understand he was talking about a HYDRA base, not a Shield one. 

“Mmm.” She mimed his earlier response. 

The drive from the main highway onto the interstate was silent, and sort of peaceful. In the morning light, Maple found comfort. Suddenly, she wasn’t so nervous and even began to relax in the small space. Bucky quickly asked if she’d mind music, to which she replied a light, ‘Of course not.’  
He fiddled with the dial for a bit, satisfied when a soft jazz station played. Maple found it easy to listen to, and even surprised herself when she knew some of the songs. The rest of the drive was quiet and eased in saxophones and deep, earthy voices. 

Without coffee to supply her a bit of energy, Maple was drifting off when Bucky’s voice startled her fully awake. 

“We’re stopping at the base first, you should… probably just stay in the car.” He peered at her quickly, and Maple sat up a little straighter, hoping he didn't notice her almost accidental nap. 

“Oh uh, no, right. No problem.” 

Bucky pulled off of the interstate onto a much smaller, clearly deserted road. It led into a wooded area that went on for a few more miles before reaching a large gate. Bucky parked the car and turned the keys from the ignition. Light spilled through the candored trees, and if they were not just outside a HYDRA facility, Maple would have thought the place nice enough to walk through. 

“I’ll be back.” 

Maple barely got out ‘okay’ before he was already gone, almost stomping towards the large gate, following the fencing off to the left and disappearing into the trees. 

“He obviously knows where he’s going…” Maple said to no one. 

For the first few minutes, Maple just stared out the windows, watching as the first leaves of fall were barely turning brown and gold… 

At the sound of a bird cawing, Maple sat up with a start- she’d fallen asleep again. Checking the time, she was a little surprised to find forty minutes had passed… She considered going in there- how long did it take a super soldier to find some files? She threw away the thought when she imagined how angry he might be with her trying to follow him in there. It was probably dangerous, right? Needing a distraction, she eventually fiddled with her phone and pretended not to notice the minutes tick by, until she started to feel a familiar pressure in her bladder- she definitely had to pee. She figured if he was back in the twenty minutes, she’d be fine and simply beg him to pull at a rest stop or something… And if not… She looked to the woods again, weighing her limited options. 

No, she wasn’t a pussy. 

She’d peed in the wild before, she used to go camping with her mom and older brother all the time…. She’d be fine. And that was IF Bucky wasn’t back soon. She groaned…

He’ll be back soon… Right? 

Another ten minutes passed, and the slow loading Instagram feed wasn’t exactly distracting anymore… She considered calling him, checking to see if he was alright, when she noticed his phone sitting in the cup holder. She sighed again, and looked to the woods once more, in both hopes of Bucky and a decent sized bush to possibly crouch behind.  
When her legs started to bounce in anxiety, Maple cursed and flung open the passenger door, quickly undoing her seatbelt. 

“Fuck this…” 

She made a beeline for the nearest large hub of shrubbery and undid the belt on her pants, pulling them down while carefully placing herself close to the ground as she could. She finished her business, and stood pull up her underwear, relief felt throughout her. She took an awkward step away from where she’d crouched and was about to pull up her pants when a voice caused her to yelp. 

“What are you doing?” 

She met eyes with Bucky who realized she was, in fact, clad in her panties. 

“Fuck!” 

“Shit!” 

They both turned away quickly, Maple almost tripping in the process. 

“I didn't see anything-” 

“I'm sorry, I really had to pee and-” 

“It’s fine-” 

“Um-” 

“I'll be in the car.” 

“Right.” 

Maple barely heard his speedy retreat, but made quick work of her belt and cursing whatever fate and/or gods existed as she made her intentionally slow way back to the car. 

Bucky said nothing when she got in, and she looked immediately to the window. 

“... Sorry I took so long, there were uh, still security measures in place… ” 

Maple managed to steal herself a moment and grace him a sorry smile. He returned the gesture in the quiet of the car and as she was about to reply, she couldn’t even help or predict the bubble of laughter that escaped her. Bucky looked swifty at her and almost matched the gleam in her eye, if not a little confused. 

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just, that was so weird and embarrassing and I- I laugh at weird situations, I'm sorry.” She was still laughing as she said it, and Bucky seemed to not know exactly how to reply, but cracked a smile at her. 

“I guess there are worse ways to react, you could’ve slapped me.” 

Maple laughed harder and tugged the seat belt across her hips. 

“No, I’d never slap you, I’m pretty sure I’d pull a Bella Swan and break my hand or something…” 

Bucky turned the keys in the ignition once more and turned out of the hidden base. 

“Should I know that reference?” 

Maple shook her head, still smiling “No, really, it’s better you don’t.” 

*** 

Maple figured there were worse ways to spend her afternoon than milling around the city with Bucky Barnes. Really, it hadn’t taken long to grab the supplies for Dr. Banner, but when Maple asked if Bucky minded that she get lunch somewhere he actually obliged her. 

In fact, when she realized she really didn't know where to eat, Bucky suggested a place he’d gone once or twice with Steve. At the mention of the Captain, Maple felt uncomfortable but went along without comment. It was a quiet Pizza Parlour near the outskirts of the city with a retro-esque atmosphere- she could understand why Steve might’ve liked it. 

Maple was relieved when he ordered food as well, and the two sat at a booth towards the back. 

It was quiet at first, Maple sipping on her soda while Bucky looked out the window. It had been a strange way to spend her day, but not unwelcome. Maybe she’d laugh again at their awkward situation from earlier down the road, maybe he might, too. Though, when she really thought about it she couldn't picture Bucky laughing. Smiling maybe, like he had earlier. 

“Um, know any good jokes?” 

Bucky didn’t hide the muted surprise on his face when he understood what she was asking. 

“Good jokes, huh?” He thought for a moment, scratching the gruff on his chin, “Whaddya call a pampered cow?” 

Mapled shrugged, “I don't know, what do you call a pampered cow?” 

Bucky had the smallest hint of a smile on his lips, almost bashful looking like his quiet reply, “Spoiled milk.” 

Maple rolled her eyes and laughed, “Oh jeez…” 

He sucked in between his teeth, “That bad huh?” 

She fake cringed, “I mean, I’ve heard worse…” 

“Nah, you’re right, it was pretty bad… But don't blame me, Sam told me that one.” 

Maple looked at him dumbfounded, “Really? Sam? That’s… awful, and a little hard to believe, you sure you’re not just trying to find a scapegoat, cause it was a pretty bad joke.” 

“Hey,” he mocked offense, “I would not make up such a bad joke. That’s all him.” 

She held her hands in defeat, “Okay, okay…” 

Bucky leaned back against the seat and looked at her skeptically, “What about you, think you can do better?” 

“Hmm…” She shook her head, “Probably not.” 

He smiled again and nodded, “At least you’re honest.” 

The pizza came and went and with it the dwindling afternoon. Maple noticed that Bucky seemed in no rush to return to the compound, so she decided she wasn't either. 

Although he made no efforts to start conversations, he didn't seem bothered by her attempts. 

“What’s your least favorite thing about the 21st century?” 

Bucky tapped his gloved finger against the table, and seemed to almost laugh before replying, “The internet. God, I hate that shit.” 

Maple wasn't exactly surprised, but wanted to know more and told him so,  
“Why, what about it bothers you so much? Is it hard to use?” 

He shook his again, a smile and frown simultaneously on his tired face, 

“Nah, it’s not that… there’s just… so much out there and not any of it seems to mean anything, and yet everyone is like, glued to it 24/7. I guess I just don't get the appeal.” 

Maple listened intently, and when she said nothing, he continued, 

“I know Sam is always saying it’s all about communication and bridging gaps that are otherwise left empty- I don't know, I think it’s a lot of shouting into a void, but I don't see a whole lot of meaningful connection or communication happening.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. I can agree with that.” 

He shook his head a little, seemingly not believing her, “What, you're not gonna fight me on it?” 

She laughed, “Fight you? No, why would I do that?” 

Bucky ran a hand through his thick hair, “I don't know, Sam got real ornery with me when I told em’ I just didn't care that much, like I’d offended him or something.” 

Maple smiled at the imagery, “I mean, it’s certainly helpful and… I don't know, it can be pretty entertaining. Memes, YouTube, Netflix, and there’s always something to read. And, like me? I was born like, right at the beginning of all of it. Raised by the internet, as they say. I don't even have to think when I wanna google something or talk to someone. But, I mean, I get it, you have a point, there’s a lot of pointless shit out there. A lot of shouting into the void, like you said. Sam just needs to own up, admit that the internet is basically a distraction tool and get over himself. Anyway, you’re much better off without it. Too many people are addicted as it is.” 

Bucky nodded slowly, a satisfied look on an otherwise peaceful expression, “You wanna repeat all that, let me right it down so I can memorize for the next time Sam tries it?” 

Maple blushed a little and laughed, “Oh god, I was monologuing wasn't I? Yeah, just get a tape recorder, I’ll start over.” 

*** 

Bucky was surprised to find that he was sort of reluctant to drive back to the compound. He was… enjoying himself? Maybe all the months, the years in isolation had really done him in, but, spending the day (albeit, maybe not the incident in the woods) with Maple had been… nice. 

He was hesitant to take her along with him, nervous that she might avoid him, or worse, talk. But… They did talk and it was fine. It was more than fine, it was easy. When was the last time talking to someone was easy? 

He did drive back, however, and Maple hummed along to the radio until she fell asleep.

The next time he saw her was a few days later at breakfast- she was making coffee and asked if he wanted some. He said yes, and thanked her. Waited with her while it brewed, and found himself drinking with her when it was done. 

So again, they sat across each other at the counter and just… talked. About nothing, really, she’d just asked him what he thought about breakfast foods- if he preferred them to lunch foods or dinner foods. He said he wasn't sure, but he knew he liked a good steak. She laughed at that and told him she thought that sounded ‘about right’. He wasn't sure what to make of that, but liked the way it made him feel, the reason for it beyond him. 

Bucky wasn't sure when exactly it took root in the very short ‘expectations’ part of his brain, but suddenly he was hanging out with Maple. They didn't do anything really, just sat and talked or walked together and talked or sometimes sat beside one another and read. It was never planned, either, always coming upon each other by happistance. But there it was, the very unfamiliar small amount of joy that he got from just being with this other person. 

For a while, he really couldn't place just what it was that made being around her so effortless until he realized she was never trying to figure him out. He didn't feel like his whole life was a giant puzzle, a burden to piece together around her. It wasn't like with Steve or Sam or even Fury at times. There was no history in the way that there was with them, and for that, he was thankful. For once, it didn't feel like someone was walking on eggshells around him, just waiting for the Winter Soldier to make an unwanted appearance. Or tentatively asking if he was alright, if he was still coping well… 

She was a funny girl, too. A little odd, a little goofy at times, but he appreciated that, too. She didn't seem weighted by this life and it was refreshing. Oddly comforting to be reminded that good things exist. Even in a world filled with monsters and war and everything dark there was still good, too. There was still light, there was friendship, there was Maple. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo there's that!! 
> 
> comments/reviews of all shape and size are so so welcome. i love all of you and hope you're all staying safe rn. xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

It was a friday evening when Bucky found her again, she was sitting up in the kitchen writing something, this time in a journal. He’d only seen her with it one other time, it’s sky blue cover catching his eye. 

“Hey, what are ya doin up so late?” It was almost two. 

As quickly as she’d been writing, she almost jumped a little and closed the cover to the private thing. 

“Oh hey! Just writing. You?” 

If Bucky were younger, maybe he would’ve pried at just what she had been writing. But, he was not, and so he didn't ask. That wasn't how they communicated, anyway. 

“Was out for a run. Couldn't sleep.” 

“Mmm. Want some tea? I just made some.” She held up the cast iron teapot- the one her mother had given to her for her birthday last year. 

“Hot tea after a run? I think I’ll pass.” He sat down heavily on the stool across from hers. Their undesignated spots at the breakfast counter. 

She just nodded almost solemnly, “Makes sense.” 

He then noticed a smaller red book by her tea cup and nodded towards it, “What’s that?” 

She hummed and slid the book across to him. 

“Poetry.” 

“Yours?” 

She laughed quietly, “N-no, Mary Oliver’s.” 

He read the cover to himself, “‘Red Bird’- is it about a red bird?” 

Maple laughed again and shook her head, “No-,” she paused and thought, “Well, yes. One of the poems is.” 

“Is it any good?” He inquired. 

“I think so, I like it….” She got a soft, almost sad look on her face again and Bucky was debating on asking if she was alright when she shook her head, “Deja vu.” 

*** 

The first time Steve had seen Maple and Bucky talking he was sitting in his office, replying to emails and looking over a few briefing notes. Their voices had carried down the empty hall and as they got closer, he was in disbelief that it was their voices he heard. But they passed quickly and he saw them; Bucky mid laugh and Maple with a silly grin, one he’d never seen her wear.  
It shocked him, and he could hardly focus on anything the rest of the afternoon, wondering how he hadn't noticed that before. When it had started. 

He needed to be keeping closer tabs on her. 

It was raining outside the second time he saw the odd pair conversing. They sat at the counter in the kitchen, quietly talking. He hid himself behind the door entrance and listened in. 

“... it is good? I thought that maybe it was like ah, I don't know, what do you call it? A meme? Like a joke? That’s why it’s so popular- what hey! Don't laugh, I don't kno- seriously why’s that funny?” 

Maple’s giggle tugged at Steve’s own mouth, though he was still confused. Concerned. 

“N-no no, it’s just,” she laughed again, “I’m sorry I just can't believe you thought Star Trek was like, a joke. A meme! That’s so funny, oh my god-” 

“Jesus, how was I supposed to know-” 

Steve left before he could hear any more. A deep anger burned through him. Like a cigarette, ash hot and undeniable. 

Fuck. 

Steve almost felt like laughing the third time he saw Maple and Bucky walking on the track, he was a few yards behind, jogging. 

It was funny, really, the idea that after all this time, after everything that happened to him, to Bucky, the women still chose the latter. 

Even now, as it felt their roles were reversed- himself the outspoken one, the charmer and Bucky the quiet and even shy of the two they still chose him over Steve. It felt like a sick joke. Maybe it was, but a little cosmic humor never deterred him from what he wanted, and especially not now. Not when his plan was so clear and feasible in his mind. So what, he’d have to improvise a little more, and Bucky might just like him a little less by the end of it. 

It didn't matter. 

His goal was in sight, and Steve never missed a shot. 

*** 

Maple liked Bucky, maybe a little more than she should’ve. 

She’d had good friends before, sure. She still had a best friend, Lilly. They hadn't seen each other in well over a year, but they still talked on the phone and texted. She missed her… 

But being friends with Bucky was different than with Lilly. Clearly, they were so different and not in ways that were even comparable. 

Bucky was quiet and smart. He listened and responded easily. A muted honesty about him that wasn't made from effort or time. Maple was sure that’s just how he was. Honest. 

She wanted to be like that, too. In her mind's eye, she saw an older version of herself. More confident and tempered, tested and kinder because of it. Honest and beautiful because of that, too. Yes, she thought Bucky was beautiful. 

It wasn't just that being with him was simple, it was that despite the complexities of life and herself and him, it all seemed inconsequential, or at least easier to digest and understand. She was so young, she knew, too young, but she felt something deep with him. A growing thing in the well of her soul, almost. A little life, growing and taking root there, sprouting and getting stronger the more she was around him. 

With every laugh and smile it breathed deeper within her. All the quiet times, too. Or the little conversations about nothing. That little growing thing in her asked a thousand questions, dared to know just what made up who he was. She wanted to know if he liked this song, or what he thought about pastry scented candles. Did he prefer Coke or Pepsi?  
The strange part was, he seemed to never mind these questions and was equally interested in her opinions, or lack thereof. That little life inside thrived off of these nothing and everything interactions. 

The sensible part of her argued to strangle those feelings quickly- she would only be hurting herself in the long run, the factors stacked against her. She was too young for him, probably a child in his eyes, and her time at the Compound was coming to an end. Even though their distance wouldn't be great, she doubted Bucky would find their friendship of much consequence- he was an important person. He had a strange and scary job that Maple couldn't really understand. All in all, she felt small compared to him and his big life. A string of background noise amongst his chaotic life- an unheard voicemail, a note left behind. 

She tried not to be sad thinking of it, anyway, she would be leaving in a week. The next time she saw him, she’d say she was leaving soon and have a nice, appropriate goodbye. Smile at their memories. The laughter and simplicity of it all. 

There was also the matter of Steve- she guessed she was saving herself the awkward chance of revealing what went on between them to Bucky. Ugh, he’d probably be weirded out if he knew. She didn't like the uncomfortability that pooled in her when she thought of that scenario. 

Yes, she’d been lucky to have spent time here, with all of them. Dr. Banner, so kind and helpful. So smart. 

Sam, with his endless smiles and quips or surprisingly sound advice. 

Even Steve- she felt that somewhere there was a good, if not strange, lesson to be learned there. Maybe boxed up and looked at later when she felt her heart had the time. 

And Bucky, the little surprise gift that was actually a million gifts in one. The easy time and friendship they’d shared was one she knew she’d never forget, and probably always think of him as one of those totally unattainable crushes that was best spent that way- unearned. The pining had it's own sweet afterlife, too. 

Maple’s melancholy thoughts pervaded through the afternoon and with her through the back porch where she sat for a good while, occasionally hunched over her container of mango. She continued to attempt comfort with these thoughts, and mostly succeeded. 

Still, there was a hardening pit beginning to take place of the growing thing in her core, and it felt a lot like loss. It felt a lot like Bucky. 

*** 

Bucky stomped out of Dr. Banner’s lab, possibly scaring the usually timid man. If he were less angered, he might’ve had the sense to be sorry for it. 

_She’s leaving? Why didn't she tell me? How didn't I know?_

Bucky wasn't really sure where he was headed, but he walked with seeming determination throughout the compound. His thoughts were a mixture of disbelief and anger- he still questioned over and over again how he didn't know. How he wasn't aware that Maple, the one person he had scarily become attached to, save Steve, was leaving. He tried to reason with himself, say that it wasn't that big a deal. That it wasn't like they were more than friends, they weren't together. 

None of it seemed to matter, though. 

The reasons or explanations. 

He was upset, and confused, too. 

How did he let this happen? When did he let himself get attached like this? It was childish and foreign and… 

_Human?_ A small part of him whispered. 

He was sad, too. He felt abandoned, and she hadn't even left yet. To where, he still didn't even know. The conversation had steered in the direction of Maple and he hadn't even realized it until the Dr. was suddenly commenting offhand that it would be an adjustment once Maple was gone, that he would have to get used to noting things himself again or finding a replacement. 

“She’s leavin'?” 

“Wha-” 

“Maple? She’s going away?” 

Dr. Banner seemed confused still, but nodded, “Yeah, her internship is up in a week, I-” 

Bucky had left before he could say anything else. 

These feelings stayed with him as he faintly nodded at Steve from across the Hanger Bay and out the side door. The air was humid and warm and if he wasn't careful, his arm would get hot soon and he might burn himself. He didn't care, though. 

_How didn't I know? How did it never come up? Why didn't she ever think to tell me? We’re.. Friends? Right? People tell their friends stuff like this, right? Where is she going? Will I ever even see her again?_

Bucky stopped a few feet away from what he realized were the living quarters back patios. They were hardly used, more for decoration than anything, but he was jolted when he saw Maple of all people lounging in a chair outside of her quarters. 

He spied her, just a few yards away. Her head was tilted back, and he had half a mind to go approach her, ask her why she never told him, pride be damned. But she looked… vulnerable. Private. He almost flinched when she sat up a little and reached to the left of her, and retrieved a little container of what he realized was a half sliced fruit. He could smell it from where he stood, mango.  
She dipped her hand into the container and popped a slice into her mouth. She sat hunched over a bit, so as not to drip the juices on her- she wore a white tank top and Bucky gulped when he could see she was in fact not wearing anything underneath it, pink nipples slightly visible. He was reminded again, just how very human she was then. How young and naive. Usually, that was a comfort to him, a soft push to be that way, too. 

But now? 

It scared him. How beautiful she looked that way, unaware of him. He felt like a young teenager watching her, suddenly dumbstruck by the heat and the vision of her wiping a stray mixture of sweat and mango juice from disappearing into the depths of her shirt, the little space between her breasts. Breasts that until now, had gone unnoticed; The way the material clung to her body, the way it rode up the smallest bit at her hips to reveal soft skin and a little fold of her stomach… Bucky didn't think he’d ever wanted to be a piece of clothing so badly before. Her shorts were just that, too short. Had he ever seen her legs like that? It felt like he was seeing her for the first time- really noticing that she was in fact, a woman. And barely, he was stunned to remember, she was only 19. A number that hadn't seemed to mean anything before. Now, her youth on the precipice of adulthood… that frightened him, too. 

He wanted her so badly then. Not just sexually, though he felt that too. It was a twitch, an ache so deep he needed to consume her. Take her soul and meld with it his own, have the very cells of his being transformed into whatever made her the way she was. Innocent, and trusting, full of life and love and love for life. The idea to sit and eat sticky fruit in the afternoon and not care who sees it. He believed her heart was like that mango; pulpy, fresh and sugary sweet. Untainted, and how could it be? Why couldn't his heart be like that? The confused adoration and want for her was almost that of jealousy.  
Yes, he was jealous for her. And he wanted her. In all the purest of ways and the worst ways, too. It washed over him quickly and he was tossed around in the undertow of Maple- and she didn't even know it. 

He understood then why he didn't want her to leave. Why she couldn't leave. She couldn't leave him. He couldn't be alone again… not like before. Not even like with Steve- Steve who, he felt he didn't really know, anymore… But Maple, she knew him without even having to know him. He was cold metal and ice and she made him soft. Pulled and pushed against him and then he wasn't even himself before all this, he was something new. New made by her. He needed her and didn't care- couldn't care that he did. It was like a physical law, this attraction. This inevitability.

He was selfish and he knew it, watching her sigh into the heat. It was an anguish, but he couldn't force himself to stop. He was suddenly weighted entirely by the loneliness he’d felt for so long, and the shockingly frightening prospect of facing that much more time in that same way. He couldn't do it, again, not after tasting companionship- effortless and addicting.

Even if she didn't want him in that way, romantically. He could settle for friendship or wait for her to change her mind. He was content to just keep her near, close enough. 

He watched her a little while longer with a new satisfaction, a new contentment. It would be okay. He would be okay because he’d have her. He’d have her. 

He’d have her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little shorter than i wanted it to be but im actually happy with it other than that. hope u enjoy! i really appreciate all comments, kudos and bookmarks!! thank you! 
> 
> also, i wanna start doing one shots, so if u have any requests, leave those down in the comments, too. xoxo
> 
> Edit: okay but for the Love Of God please someone send me requests im going crazy please tell me to write a nasty smut fic or even just a stoopid little fluff for any MCU character/reader or whatever u w a n t ill do it ill do anything please i have nothing


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